Advice on Divorce

[Paul Ruinaard]

So the ex dropped a bomb on me the other week by stating that she is looking at emigrating to New Zealand. Obviously the kids will go with her. She claims to have had enough of this country.

She is good at what she does and reckons there is a demand for what she does, plus is tired of coughing up for pvt schools, med aid, security etc. Not a new whinge by any means, but very new for her. Plus I think the last 2 years of living on a large plot as a single mom will add to the woes.

She has asked me for a affidavit saying I have no issue with her taking the kids over there and obtaining visas.

*** thing is where does it now leave me? In my industry I can work anywhere and often in involves a lot of travel and its all the same game from one country to the next but is built on a network of referrals and mostly freelance based so I think that could pose a few issues.

I really dont want to let them lose sight of me so if she is 'all systems go' then I will really considering following, or at least moving to the UK ( I have a passport and family there) and could make a wedge more there as a single simple living man and afford the travel to the see my kids.

Either way the thought of them being so far away is heartbreaking..

you dont have to sign the affadavit. You have choices as well. Its not all one way traffic and what she wants. 

[Thor Buttox]

So the ex dropped a bomb on me the other week by stating that she is looking at emigrating to New Zealand. Obviously the kids will go with her. She claims to have had enough of this country.

She is good at what she does and reckons there is a demand for what she does, plus is tired of coughing up for pvt schools, med aid, security etc. Not a new whinge by any means, but very new for her. Plus I think the last 2 years of living on a large plot as a single mom will add to the woes.

She has asked me for a affidavit saying I have no issue with her taking the kids over there and obtaining visas.

*** thing is where does it now leave me? In my industry I can work anywhere and often in involves a lot of travel and its all the same game from one country to the next but is built on a network of referrals and mostly freelance based so I think that could pose a few issues.

I really dont want to let them lose sight of me so if she is 'all systems go' then I will really considering following, or at least moving to the UK ( I have a passport and family there) and could make a wedge more there as a single simple living man and afford the travel to the see my kids.

Either way the thought of them being so far away is heartbreaking..

Do you know that the kids want? Not sure how old they are or the circumstances, but as Paul says, you do have options and if they also want to go without duress it does make the decision at least tolerable.

[Patchelicious]

Pick what’s best for the kids.

 

The answer could be a balance combination of location, happy mom, happy dad, quality of live, visitation frequency etc.

Edited June 27, 2018 by Patchelicious

[PhilipV]

I won't sign that affidavit.

Unless there is scope for you to move as well to ensure you still see the kids regularly.

Of she thinks it'll be easier as a single working mom on a strange country without a support network then she is in for a surprise.

 

Maybe encourage her to move to a smaller place in a security complex as a start.

[Honkdonk]

The kids are 11 and 4 so are not of an age yet to make up their own minds about this kind of a thing.

I have just started life again so to move to another country would be a total new board game kind of start with odd rules and all sorts.

I have told her if she wants to move for the good of the children then I wont stop her, but I do think she hasn't thought it through entirely as the luxuries of a full time maid, au pair etc will be history. So yes, a large surprise awaits, but then she is a martyr so who knows. Its more a knee-jerk reaction but once she gets the proverbial bee.

There is a host of things that need to fall into place first so I'll be watching from the sidelines all while taking some steps of my own.

[GrahamS2]

So the ex dropped a bomb on me the other week by stating that she is looking at emigrating to New Zealand. Obviously the kids will go with her. She claims to have had enough of this country.

She is good at what she does and reckons there is a demand for what she does, plus is tired of coughing up for pvt schools, med aid, security etc. Not a new whinge by any means, but very new for her. Plus I think the last 2 years of living on a large plot as a single mom will add to the woes.

She has asked me for a affidavit saying I have no issue with her taking the kids over there and obtaining visas.

*** thing is where does it now leave me? In my industry I can work anywhere and often in involves a lot of travel and its all the same game from one country to the next but is built on a network of referrals and mostly freelance based so I think that could pose a few issues.

I really dont want to let them lose sight of me so if she is 'all systems go' then I will really considering following, or at least moving to the UK ( I have a passport and family there) and could make a wedge more there as a single simple living man and afford the travel to the see my kids.

Either way the thought of them being so far away is heartbreaking..

If you have a real relationship with your kids and see them often, there's no need to sign anything. Moving children far away from one of their parents may not be in their best interests, and could outweigh the benefit of moving them to a first world country. And that is precisely what a court will look at.

Edited June 27, 2018 by GrahamS2

[the nerd]

*Not the same situation but an example*

 

A close friend had this situation but from the other angle...

 

They emigrated to NZ a few years back and she has a son from her previous marriage, they both (now husband and wife) went to the father and sat with him and discussed the options, quality of life, education, visitation, accommodation (when and if he decides to travel there), etc etc..

 

I know this isn't the same situation but just an example of a scenario that works.

 

BTW the kid is thriving there

[Bateleur1]

Very difficult for an outsider to comment HonkDonk and this is something I won't be able to give advice on.  But good co-worker of mine had a similar thing many years ago.  He has a daughter from a previous relationship when the ex approached him and said she wanted to move to the UK.  They got  a deal as he thought it would be better for his daughter to grow up in England.  But part of the deal was that the ex contractually commited to sending the daughter to SA once a year for a month during the summer holidays.

[Kalahari Vegmot]

Just don't let your kids grow up without a father. If that means fighting for it, it'll be worth it. IMHO, of course.

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

Court date 18th July. Almost there!

Edited July 15, 2018 by Cptmayhem

[Uni]

 

Either way the thought of them being so far away is heartbreaking..

it's a proper ****** up situation - and sadly more common with people wanting a better life outside our shores. 

Especially with your kids being so young, and let's face it, it's not cheap to travel .. but at the end of the day, it could well be an opportunity for your girls to get out. 

 

tough one, but whatever you and your ex decide - don't let the kids be the pawns in the game. Good luck. 

[Stretch]

The kids are 11 and 4 so are not of an age yet to make up their own minds about this kind of a thing.

I have just started life again so to move to another country would be a total new board game kind of start with odd rules and all sorts.

I have told her if she wants to move for the good of the children then I wont stop her, but I do think she hasn't thought it through entirely as the luxuries of a full time maid, au pair etc will be history. So yes, a large surprise awaits, but then she is a martyr so who knows. Its more a knee-jerk reaction but once she gets the proverbial bee.

There is a host of things that need to fall into place first so I'll be watching from the sidelines all while taking some steps of my own.

People try and convince themselves that they are moving countries for their children.. But they are not.. They are moving countries for themselves. I certainly moved for myself only. All her reasons she had stated are about herself. You need to decide if you are about to go by with only seeing your kids 2 times a year at best.

 

If she is hot stuff then the agreement should be that she forks out to fly them to see you twice a year. If this means she had to sacrifice her own holidays then so be it. Any steps you make to improve your situation would only be to try and get the opportunity to see them more than twice.

 

That's what I would do anyway

[Honkdonk]

People try and convince themselves that they are moving countries for their children.. But they are not.. They are moving countries for themselves. I certainly moved for myself only. All her reasons she had stated are about herself. You need to decide if you are about to go by with only seeing your kids 2 times a year at best.

 

If she is hot stuff then the agreement should be that she forks out to fly them to see you twice a year. If this means she had to sacrifice her own holidays then so be it. Any steps you make to improve your situation would only be to try and get the opportunity to see them more than twice.

 

That's what I would do anyway

Yip. I see the sense in what you say here.

 

Just when I thought the lawyer invoices were a thing of the past..

[Gen]

Yip. I see the sense in what you say here.

 

Just when I thought the lawyer invoices were a thing of the past..

Well that she asked you to do an affidavit willingly means that she probably doesn't think she will succeed in court, else she would've already gone that route IMO..

 

Good fathers play an incredibly important role in children's lives.

 

Sent from my SM-G950F using Tapatalk

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

3 more days. Then, I am free. I paid my last legal bill a while ago, and already feel so much lighter.

 

Life is good.

[New Landy new life]

3 more days. Then, I am free. I paid my last legal bill a while ago, and already feel so much lighter.

 

Life is good.

Go Myles - glad you also doing better in your new life as am I. Edited July 16, 2018 by NoMore Landy