Advice on Divorce

[HDW]

 Take note that your ex can now claim money's from your immediate family if she so chooses. If you can't pay that is.

 

WT actual F

[HDW]

So i'm doing paperwork tons of it. At the same time as much as I would like to end things amicably the constant barrage of msg's blaming me for things never said or done is really wearing on me. Yesterday I actually managed to get angry for first time since I left, because of what she said. 

 

With all of this I am still trying to be nice so one smiles and calms down and continues right? 

 

One thing I am thankful for right now is that I don't drink cause that would have ended horribly.

I'd say be fair and act in a manner that gets the best results for all parties concerned, but don't take any sh!t. What gets decided and put in writing can probably haunt you for a long time - settle it now, don't let things pass just because you want to be nice.

[Mousea]

Here we go. A quick Google away. Doesn't say anything about siblings, just legal guardians. Which, I suppose, if your will is up to date and your sibling is a guardian, may result in a sibling being responsible.

 

Key word: maintenance order. Which is open to negotiation in the divorce proceedings. So if a maintenance order isn't settled, no problem.

 

This is also BS.

I have a reprobate BIL who has more than one kid out there.

Now his parents can be liable if he doesn't pay.

BS he must learn to keep it in his pants .

I would also fight this in court on my in-laws behalf.

How the F can they be liable for him being a male "Slut"

[Thor Buttox]

This is also BS.

I have a reprobate BIL who has more than one kid out there.

Now his parents can be liable if he doesn't pay.

BS he must learn to keep it in his pants .

I would also fight this in court on my in-laws behalf.

How the F can they be liable for him being a male "Slut"

The exactly the same way the grandparents of millions of young unwed mothers have been encumbered with their daughters' half of the 'sluttage' over millennia.

 

I wonder how many of us perfect Hub-men go about our daily whims with a memory of a 'I am late' story that caused a shiver or two??

Edited January 30, 2019 by Thor Buttox

[Steven Knoetze (sk27)]

I note also with a great sense of relief that it also relates specifically to children and not spouses.

 

Steven Knoetze, did your fiance's ex act on that advice? If so, what happened?

 

Its the other way around, it's my fiancee who can act on it. 

 

She hasn't, but only because she is receiving the maintenance from her ex's mom at the moment. How long this will be sustainable is up in the air as his mom is a pensioner.

 

I have read the guardian sibling posted and honestly I do not know about that. All I know is what we have been advised and that is that she can also claim from his sister if needs be and she is not the legal guardian.

 

I think at the end of the day it is about the kid/s and I believe the court will take everything into account but ultimately making sure that the kid/s are looked after.

[sawystertrance]

Its the other way around, it's my fiancee who can act on it. 

 

She hasn't, but only because she is receiving the maintenance from her ex's mom at the moment. How long this will be sustainable is up in the air as his mom is a pensioner.

 

I have read the guardian sibling posted and honestly I do not know about that. All I know is what we have been advised and that is that she can also claim from his sister if needs be and she is not the legal guardian.

 

I think at the end of the day it is about the kid/s and I believe the court will take everything into account but ultimately making sure that the kid/s are looked after.

True but it makes no sense for an adult to be responsible for a sibling's behaviour just because of birth status. What if it imperils the financial status of the person held responsible? Why are the children's interests more important than the sibling's interests? Neither brought about the situation.

 

As someone has posted, what if this were carried over to criminal situations?

 

Say my brother murders someone. Can I then be liable for support of his dependents? Seems very harsh.

[Hairy]

Ok, so my "logical mind" is thinking along these lines.

 

If the father / or mother is responsible for say R10 in child maintenance per month and does not pay the bills, and the courts go to the siblings to "claim" the maintenance then should it not be that both the parents siblings then need to chip in and share the cost of the broken marriage with R5 each .... why should an innocent sibling take the full brunt from some chop who does not keep to it's responsibilities.

 

I say the above as a person who's parents were divorced, and had/s a father who most certainly made no attempt at maintenance, so I have clear understanding on how it effects the kids financially.    

 

 

Its the other way around, it's my fiancee who can act on it. 

 

She hasn't, but only because she is receiving the maintenance from her ex's mom at the moment. How long this will be sustainable is up in the air as his mom is a pensioner.

 

I have read the guardian sibling posted and honestly I do not know about that. All I know is what we have been advised and that is that she can also claim from his sister if needs be and she is not the legal guardian.

 

I think at the end of the day it is about the kid/s and I believe the court will take everything into account but ultimately making sure that the kid/s are looked after.

[Skubarra]

 

Say my brother murders someone. Can I then be liable for support of his dependents? Seems very harsh.

 

 

... why should an innocent sibling take the full brunt from some chop who does not keep to it's responsibilities.

 

Go back a few posts guys and read mayhem's post again - siblings cannot be held responsible

 

It's parents, grandparents and legal guardians

[sawystertrance]

I read that. Was just positing the question to show how illogical and unfair the situation would have been.

[Hairy]

still ... why should others be forced by law to pay ... and I understand that a child/children are the real victims here.

 

as a parent you can not forced your child not to marry or have sexual relations with another person, so you have no way to reduce the risk you are facing later down the road.

 

Go back a few posts guys and read mayhem's post again - siblings cannot be held responsible

 

It's parents, grandparents and legal guardians

[Skubarra]

still ... why should others be forced by law to pay ... and I understand that a child/children are the real victims here.

 

as a parent you can not forced your child not to marry or have sexual relations with another person, so you have no way to reduce the risk you are facing later down the road.

 

I agree with you and Mousea - but also I don't think these are the only scenarios?

 

What if you have a example where the parents are dead, children are basically on the street and the grandparents loaded with money but not feeling like contributing - in that case I won't mind the law forcing the grandparents to contribute to maintenance?

Edited January 30, 2019 by Skubarra

[Hairy]

Now that is a completely different situation, and one that as a legal guardian / guardmother or father accept up front when the parent asks this of them.

 

I am not saying family should not contribute if it is in their means and they freely elect to (Whilst the parents are alive) .... just the "forced" part the rubs me up the wrong way.

 

 

I agree with you and Mousea - but also I don't think these are the only scenarios?

 

What if you have a example where the parents are dead, children are basically on the street and the grandparents loaded with money but not feeling like contributing - in that case I won't mind the law forcing the grandparents to contribute to maintenance?

[Skubarra]

Now that is a completely different situation, and one that as a legal guardian / guardmother or father accept up front when the parent asks this of them.

 

I am not saying family should not contribute if it is in their means and they freely elect to (Whilst the parents are alive) .... just the "forced" part the rubs me up the wrong way.

 

Quick google search suggests it is very much the exception than the rule that the court would force the grandparents to pay maintenance. Cannot imagine it is an easy alternative to a parent dodging his responsibilities.

 

http://www.capetownlawyer.co.za/divorce/maintenance/Liability-of-grandparents-to-pay-maintenance.php

 

"Grandparents can also be liable for maintenance in certain instances too. If your child cannot afford to pay maintenance and you as a grandparent have substantial wealth, the Court may hold the grandparent liable. "

[Mudsimus]

Is there anyone on the hub not going trough a divorce ????

[Hairy]

me ... even though I have been told to choose between the bike or the wife .... somehow she has still managed to accept that she has to share me

Is there anyone on the hub not going trough a divorce

[Patensie]

CAVEAT: Guys, the following is based on my distant recollection of my 1995 family law 101. I don't rely on my knowledge on this and neither should you. 

 

In order to claim maintenance from someone you have to prove the following 3 things:

1) A relationship (verwantskap - studied this in Afrikaans, may get translations wrong) with the person from whom you claim;

2) A need for maintenance; and

3) The person from whom you claim must have the means to pay.

 

My ex-to-be will have no relationship with my parents and will therefore not be able to claim maintenance FOR HERSELF from them.

 

She may claim for the kids (in the event that I don't pay their maintenance [i intend to maintain my kids to the best of my ability]) from them.

 

However, she will have to prove 2 & 3, which will probably include reasons why she cannot maintain the kids herself, as well as my parents' ability and her parents abilty to pay maintenance. All about the circumstances as Armpies said.

 

I believe the kids' relationship to my brother is too far removed.