Advice on Divorce

[GrahamS2]

So we had a pretty peacefull mediation where Ashley explained the process and we pretty much agreed to doing it without much fighting.

She was a little surprised I offered to give my wife her car that I bought her and not dispute that at all. - I feel sorry for her and don't want to be spitefull.

Pension unfortunatley will be pretty much carved up as a percentage of salary and starting off estate values in our ANC contract but she says that is goverened by law and nothing can be changed by that.  Only the maintenace may get ugly as I explained that my wife had chosen how much she spends on my son's Sport and that is a huge figure and is why we both have no money to our names - I only found out this value a few days ago.  This is one of the reason's we are getting divorced in the first place as I dissagreed about 10 years ago as to how much time they were spending in his sport as we could not afford it.

 

She has also rung up a big debt again on some loan shark  account!

 

Anyway, I think there may be some quarrels to come when Ashley does her calculations.

 

Night folks

From what you've posted, you are badly positioned to end up footing the bill for your wife's poor financial decisions (both past and present). If I were in your position, I would consult a lawyer in my private capacity, just to protect my financial interests in this process. There is no need to put your financial security at risk due to her actions. 

[Paddaman]

Question. We are married out of community of property with accrual but the pension funds are considered separate if it hits the fan.

 

I work for myself and have paid for the house with all my investments and monthly income. House is in both of our names as that's what the wife wanted even though I paid for it... I consider the house part of my retirement as well as my business but if we get divorced she gets half of both and I get none of her pension fund.

 

How easy is it to get our contracts re done as I don't like the way it's structured right now.

Firstly, never see property as an asset, not at least in your personal capacity.  You will always need somewhere to live, If you use it as business premises rather sell it to your business and rent it back.  In this way your tax consultant can get you better deal with the taxman, and you can live at a protected rent rate.  Also drop as much as you can into a properly managed pension/annuity fund.  These funds have a spread of investment portfolio's and tend to be more robust than a single investment portfolio such as property.  (also your wife's sticky paws will not get to it so easily). 

Also instead of being the sole owner of your company, maybe dis-invest, a bit of your owners equity and bring some partners onboard (such as your wife, your brothers ext) so that your contribution to owners equity is only 60% and a trusted partner (Like your mum) the other 40%, in that way even if your wife claims half of your share in the company, you can leverage controlling share of the equity and effectively shut her out of the decision-making.

 

Two things are worrying, firstly that you are worried about divorce (which may indicate that bad things are on the way) and secondly that you got sucker punched by you wife to such a point that you have no pension or investments, other than that which she can destroy, and in return she is well off and well protected.  Me thinks your wife is the brainy one, and in your case she is a keeper, give her your man card.  (maybe you should appoint her the CEO of your company)

Edited January 18, 2018 by Paddaman

[Stretch]

Bingo......

Bingo indeed. Can something be drawn into the agreement they she needs to attend some sort of counselling. As a matter of interest This is one of the tell tale signs of someone suffering from bipolar.

[SURFER]

I got the same news on 29 Dec 2017. Got back home from hiking Table 

Mountain and she was gone. She moved out after 29 years of marriage.  She made a appointment to see a lawyer on 24 Jan 2018.  She has no  assists on her  name, although working her whole life.  Only me. Got the pension fund, Savings and house.  Need to give her half of all my stuff.

 

bad 

 

After some discussions she came to the conclusion that it is better to work on our marriage.  The finance probably played a role.  Both of us did not put to much effort in the relationship the last couple of years.  With not to much effort it is looking better. Still climbing, hiking and surf, but more quality time together (and most important, communication)

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

After some discussions she came to the conclusion that it is better to work on our marriage.  The finance probably played a role.  Both of us did not put to much effort in the relationship the last couple of years.  With not to much effort it is looking better. Still climbing, hiking and surf, but more quality time together (and most important, communication)

good luck, guy! And well done. 

[Paddaman]

After some discussions she came to the conclusion that it is better to work on our marriage.  The finance probably played a role.  Both of us did not put to much effort in the relationship the last couple of years.  With not to much effort it is looking better. Still climbing, hiking and surf, but more quality time together (and most important, communication)

remember to schedule a "date night" every now and then.  Very important for communication and stuff

[GrahamS2]

After some discussions she came to the conclusion that it is better to work on our marriage.  The finance probably played a role.  Both of us did not put to much effort in the relationship the last couple of years.  With not to much effort it is looking better. Still climbing, hiking and surf, but more quality time together (and most important, communication)

I've just had a very similar discussion at home. I could well say that the sharing in this thread may have helped saved my marriage.

[Thor Buttox]

I've just had a very similar discussion at home. I could well say that the sharing in this thread may have helped saved my marriage.

Definitely helped me in the 'taking for granted' category. We had a long, very serious chat about some issues she is dealing with and I was definitely influenced in my replies.

[Shebeen]

I remember often been told that good communication is vital to the health of a relationship.

 

Let it slip, work through it and now I realise that 90% of our happiness and troubles source from the level of communication.

 

[SURFER]

remember to schedule a "date night" every now and then.  Very important for communication and stuff

 

Date night was discussed.  Wife's idea

[Escapee..]

Couple of years back I frowned when people spoke about a date night.

 

After having kids I see now why its so important, if you dont schedule a date night it wont happen.

[Gen]

I suppose date nights are good for people who live very busy lives and do not have time to connect with each other after work and for those with small kids!! etc..

 

Man but we fail at date nights..date nights and any romantic gestures.. and not that we haven't tried.. but we are both not romantic at all ..so we just suck at it.. but it's okay it has given us many laughs over the years.

 

 

 

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Edited January 18, 2018 by Gen

[Paddaman]

I suppose date nights are good for people who live very busy lives and do not have time to connect with each other after work etc..

 

Man but we fail at date nights..date nights and any romantic gestures.. and not that we haven't tried.. but we are both not romantic at all ..so we just suck at it.. but it's okay it has given us many laughs over the years.

 

 

 

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It is not about the romance, it is about being able to talk without being interrupted by Mommmmeeeeeee, Dadddeeeeee the whole time.

[Gen]

It is not about the romance, it is about being able to talk without being interrupted by Mommmmeeeeeee, Dadddeeeeee the whole time.

I get that.. Small kids can be very draining.

 

We have something similar to date night...every night.. bath time.. one baths or showers the other one sits on the kist in the bathroom and so we chat...sometimes we spend hours in there just chatting.

 

We have teenage boys sometime we have to go look for them in the house to tell them to come chat with us[emoji23][emoji23]

 

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[Stretch]

I suppose date nights are good for people who live very busy lives and do not have time to connect with each other after work and for those with small kids!! etc..

 

Man but we fail at date nights..date nights and any romantic gestures.. and not that we haven't tried.. but we are both not romantic at all ..so we just suck at it.. but it's okay it has given us many laughs over the years.

 

 

 

Sent from my SM-G950F using Tapatalk

Glad to know we are not the only ones that suck.

 

Something that has been great for us had just been a simple task of walking the dogs... Is like little mini dates.. You walk and talk

[Patchelicious]

Glad to know we are not the only ones that suck.

 

Something that has been great for us had just been a simple task of walking the dogs... Is like little mini dates.. You walk and talk listen.

I do the same, with a small adjustment....