Advice on Divorce

[Skubarra]

 

Say my brother murders someone. Can I then be liable for support of his dependents? Seems very harsh.

 

 

... why should an innocent sibling take the full brunt from some chop who does not keep to it's responsibilities.

 

Go back a few posts guys and read mayhem's post again - siblings cannot be held responsible

 

It's parents, grandparents and legal guardians

[sawystertrance]

I read that. Was just positing the question to show how illogical and unfair the situation would have been.

[Hairy]

still ... why should others be forced by law to pay ... and I understand that a child/children are the real victims here.

 

as a parent you can not forced your child not to marry or have sexual relations with another person, so you have no way to reduce the risk you are facing later down the road.

 

Go back a few posts guys and read mayhem's post again - siblings cannot be held responsible

 

It's parents, grandparents and legal guardians

[Skubarra]

still ... why should others be forced by law to pay ... and I understand that a child/children are the real victims here.

 

as a parent you can not forced your child not to marry or have sexual relations with another person, so you have no way to reduce the risk you are facing later down the road.

 

I agree with you and Mousea - but also I don't think these are the only scenarios?

 

What if you have a example where the parents are dead, children are basically on the street and the grandparents loaded with money but not feeling like contributing - in that case I won't mind the law forcing the grandparents to contribute to maintenance?

Edited January 30, 2019 by Skubarra

[Hairy]

Now that is a completely different situation, and one that as a legal guardian / guardmother or father accept up front when the parent asks this of them.

 

I am not saying family should not contribute if it is in their means and they freely elect to (Whilst the parents are alive) .... just the "forced" part the rubs me up the wrong way.

 

 

I agree with you and Mousea - but also I don't think these are the only scenarios?

 

What if you have a example where the parents are dead, children are basically on the street and the grandparents loaded with money but not feeling like contributing - in that case I won't mind the law forcing the grandparents to contribute to maintenance?

[Skubarra]

Now that is a completely different situation, and one that as a legal guardian / guardmother or father accept up front when the parent asks this of them.

 

I am not saying family should not contribute if it is in their means and they freely elect to (Whilst the parents are alive) .... just the "forced" part the rubs me up the wrong way.

 

Quick google search suggests it is very much the exception than the rule that the court would force the grandparents to pay maintenance. Cannot imagine it is an easy alternative to a parent dodging his responsibilities.

 

http://www.capetownlawyer.co.za/divorce/maintenance/Liability-of-grandparents-to-pay-maintenance.php

 

"Grandparents can also be liable for maintenance in certain instances too. If your child cannot afford to pay maintenance and you as a grandparent have substantial wealth, the Court may hold the grandparent liable. "

[Mudsimus]

Is there anyone on the hub not going trough a divorce ????

[Hairy]

me ... even though I have been told to choose between the bike or the wife .... somehow she has still managed to accept that she has to share me

Is there anyone on the hub not going trough a divorce

[Patensie]

CAVEAT: Guys, the following is based on my distant recollection of my 1995 family law 101. I don't rely on my knowledge on this and neither should you. 

 

In order to claim maintenance from someone you have to prove the following 3 things:

1) A relationship (verwantskap - studied this in Afrikaans, may get translations wrong) with the person from whom you claim;

2) A need for maintenance; and

3) The person from whom you claim must have the means to pay.

 

My ex-to-be will have no relationship with my parents and will therefore not be able to claim maintenance FOR HERSELF from them.

 

She may claim for the kids (in the event that I don't pay their maintenance [i intend to maintain my kids to the best of my ability]) from them.

 

However, she will have to prove 2 & 3, which will probably include reasons why she cannot maintain the kids herself, as well as my parents' ability and her parents abilty to pay maintenance. All about the circumstances as Armpies said.

 

I believe the kids' relationship to my brother is too far removed.

[Mudsimus]

me ... even though I have been told to choose between the bike or the wife .... somehow she has still managed to accept that she has to share me

That's a healthy relationship. If she stops complaining she most probably found her own bicycle..

[Sepia]

That's a healthy relationship. If she stops complaining she most probably found her own bicycle..

  Chirp of the day!

[V12man]

So i'm doing paperwork tons of it. At the same time as much as I would like to end things amicably the constant barrage of msg's blaming me for things never said or done is really wearing on me. Yesterday I actually managed to get angry for first time since I left, because of what she said. 

 

With all of this I am still trying to be nice so one smiles and calms down and continues right? 

 

One thing I am thankful for right now is that I don't drink cause that would have ended horribly.

If this is by whatsapp - the archive function is useful - just deal with it once a day in a lump - your head will thank you.

[Amberdrake]

I will do that, just exporting it first as well.

I am very fortunate to have the support I do. If I was alone I don't think I would have made it out without some huge meltdowns.

[Duane_Bosch]

Is there anyone on the hub not going trough a divorce

I've got a theory on this.

 

It's primarily around additional pressures related to confusion around gender roles in a world where everyone is pushing for equity, equality, parity when that is not how we are wired.

 

For example. My ex wanted me to do my share of the house chores. She would say stuff like you don't need boobs to wash dishes but I never once saw her pushing a lawn mower or picking up the dog schidt.

 

Call me a chauvinist but gender roles work. 

Edited January 30, 2019 by Duane_Bosch

[Steven Knoetze (sk27)]

I've got a theory on this.

 

It's primarily around additional pressures related to confusion around gender roles in a world where everyone is pushing for equity, equality, parity when that is not how we are wired.

 

For example. My ex wanted me to do my share of the house chores. She would say stuff like you don't need boobs to wash dishes but I never once saw her pushing a lawn mower or picking up the dog schidt.

 

Call me a chauvinist but gender roles work. 

 

100% agree

[Thor Buttox]

I've got a theory on this.

 

It's primarily around additional pressures related to confusion around gender roles in a world where everyone is pushing for equity, equality, parity when that is not how we are wired.

 

For example. My ex wanted me to do my share of the house chores. She would say stuff like you don't need boobs to wash dishes but I never once saw her pushing a lawn mower or picking up the dog schidt.

 

Call me a chauvinist but gender roles work.

I have a further theory about this as I ended up doing garden work the other day which I despise, and I always do the dishes and dog-shyte which I don't mind:

 

-which is that people don't put a plan in action and expectations are not dealt with up front. Which can never then be met. And if they are unbalanced it's even worse. I actually pay my wife to do the cleaning - no!! That was HER idea, not mine. She is happy because her standards can apply, and she has extra cash. But we are both clear about what chores are hers and what are mine. (And I don't get paid for my work on the car, the laundry, the dishes and the garden. Bloody rampant sexism. Thank God we don't have grass.)