Advice on Divorce

[IceCreamMan]

Make sure you have a rock solid legal advice.

 

FWIW: A mate of a mate was married in community. Before his wife left she asked him for valuations of all his companies (he had about 5) which were all doing quite well. He thought it was for something legal or an credit application (i forget the details) so he showed her how it was all put together and where the real money was being hidden. 

 

Next thing her divorce lawyer appeared in court wanting half of it all. There wasn't enough free cash flow to pay her out and they couldn't sell half of the assets, so effectively he had to dump sit all for next to nothing to pay her what was the paper value. He eventually went bankrupt.

 

Lesson is what exists on a balance sheet as an asset does not really reflect how tradeable it is and that in a divorce you may need a lot of free cash to pay someone off to ensure you can preserve the underlying assets like a company/house etc. Never mind to live day to day

 

here is a little story, similar to this.

 

A lady I know was married with accrual and at the time worked for a company that was flying high on the JSE, an IT company that was the darling of the bourse. She had share options and life was lovely. Sadly the marriage stumbled a bit and when it was time to evaluate the size of the respective estates she had all these share options which were valued at 83 rand each...she was literally worth millions (although not a high earner if that makes sense) and her estate was duly liable to pay out to his estate. Loans were taken and everything was peachy....

 

well , that turned out extremely badly for her....the share plummeted to around 10 rand in a very short space of time and she had these loans...it turned out very badly for her...

 

so, word of warning.... be very very careful when you start valuing assets. an don't get divorced.

[Patchelicious]

Lesson that I’m learning is that law is the best place to be come time for love birds Ronald it official! You get paid on entry and exit!

[dev null]

My brother walked out with just the clothes on his backside. The ex-wife even took all his tools. But he walked out with a smile and has been happily married for the past 15 or so years and is doing well financially.

 

The ex-wife passed away a few years ago taking pills. She also was an alcoholic for years, the reason why my boet finally decided to call it quits on her. At one time he thought she stopped, only to find stacks of bottles in the roof when he went in there to fix the geyser.

 

Sometimes it is just better to walk away and say stuff the material things. Things have a habit to work out for some and come to a conclusion for others.

[IceCreamMan]

Lesson that I’m learning is that law is the best place to be come time for love birds Ronald it official! You get paid on entry and exit!

 

I reckon one of the great failures of the schooling system in ZA (and pretty much anywhere) is the failure to teach law as a subject at school. The law interacts with our daily lives at every level, it regulates society and every aspect of our lives yet for the most part we are completely ignorant of it.

 

When I got divorced 20 years ago I realized just how ignorant I was, and remedied by studying law. Now I work in a legal environment so it was meant to be I guess.

 

Seriously though, the level of ignorance of all things law is astounding, it should be taught in school. As individuals we enter contracts all the time but have no understanding of what contracts mean or how to interpret them. Hence the legal fraternity do so well

[King_Crispy]

Couple of years back I frowned when people spoke about a date night.

 

After having kids I see now why its so important, if you dont schedule a date night it wont happen.

After over 17 years of marriage we still have our date night every Thursday evening.

It works.

It hasn't ever become a ritual or a hassle. It's lekker for just the 2 of us to go out and connect. You lose touch in this hectic paced lifestyle we live in.

Every week a different venue, and in so doing the topics of discussion are always different.

For those of you experiencing trying times with your SO, try it. It may well save your relationship

[Slowbee]

Well, Landy, if nothing else come from this thread, know that you starting it may have saved a few marriages along the way.

[Letum911]

Make sure you have a rock solid legal advice.

 

FWIW: A mate of a mate was married in community. Before his wife left she asked him for valuations of all his companies (he had about 5) which were all doing quite well. He thought it was for something legal or an credit application (i forget the details) so he showed her how it was all put together and where the real money was being hidden. 

 

Next thing her divorce lawyer appeared in court wanting half of it all. There wasn't enough free cash flow to pay her out and they couldn't sell half of the assets, so effectively he had to dump sit all for next to nothing to pay her what was the paper value. He eventually went bankrupt.

 

Lesson is what exists on a balance sheet as an asset does not really reflect how tradeable it is and that in a divorce you may need a lot of free cash to pay someone off to ensure you can preserve the underlying assets like a company/house etc. Never mind to live day to day

 

Re Legal advice: I got this part sorted. I'm an attorney myself , but will have the contracts drafted by an independent party.

 

You're friend's biggest mistake in my opinion was getting married in community of property. As she would be entitled to half of the total estate value, which would include all his stakes in enterprises and trusts (depending on how they were setup).

 

Without going into too much detail, ours would basically work as follow.

Marriage will be out of community of property with the accrual. Accrual will basically have small things like running day to day bank accounts etc and possibly a vehicle depending on the circumstances at the time.

Everything else will be run from a trust/company, at an arms length. Therefore if we split, the split itself will not effect the share holding capacity. Further to that the shares will be of the same value so of no effect in the calculation of the accrual.

[Kranswurm]

Well, Landy, if nothing else come from this thread, know that you starting it may have saved a few marriages along the way.

Or ruined them

[New Landy new life]

It started out as an information gathering excercise, but as the heart ache started to happen I found this thread a great place to get a little comfort and great advice. 

 

I guess playing open cards is best so those in similar situations can get a first hand account of what can happen when you stop showing love to your partner.

 

They seem to work on more of an emotional level than us men who can take a lot of abuse before we break.

 

Hope not to have ruined anybody's prospects but rathe forewarned.

[BigDL]

It started out as an information gathering excercise, but as the heart ache started to happen I found this thread a great place to get a little comfort and great advice.

 

I guess playing open cards is best so those in similar situations can get a first hand account of what can happen when you stop showing love to your partner.

 

They seem to work on more of an emotional level than us men who can take a lot of abuse before we break.

 

Hope not to have ruined anybody's prospects but rathe forewarned.

Speaking personally my friend, I have found this thread really interesting. Hearing about your and others experiences is not lekker, but seeing everyone offering support is great to see. Also, sensing the changes in your mood over your different posts, especially the exercising and being positive comments, have been great to see.

 

Somehow, I personally feel some emotional connection to your journey and am really hoping that it has the best outcome for you.

Edited January 18, 2018 by wahoofish

[New Landy new life]

Thanks boet.

 

Just been chatting to the wife about the splitting off all the bits and pieces and the deposit for renting her a place - still tugs at the heart to see no emotion or regret in her demeanor.

[Honkdonk]

Amazing..

 

I have followed this thread from day one. Make no mistake divorce is a ******. No other way of putting it. Sometime its doomed from the start, then other times people and circumstances change and then it all goes pear. We are all different and no two stores are the same - in love that is, the legal advice however is a different mug..

Last Friday was my 12th wedding anniversary, we were married for 10 years before I called it and left, or got kicked out depending on who you talk to. Hopefully it all gets wrapped up in the next few months and I can celebrate the beginnings of a new chapter.

 

To all those that have been there - Cheers, I see you.

To all those that are going there, and know it - Dont be afraid.

To all those that are going there and dont know it - Wake up!

To all those that aren't there - Make sure..

 

Life is an amazing journey and it need not be wasted on those who aren't worthy of sharing it with ypu. However we are not always a good judge at first and people change. Therein lies the truth of the uncertain constant dynamic..

 

Damn, time for another beer

[BaGearA]

Young and probably still stupid but been following with great interest

 

Good luck to you all 

[Patchelicious]

It might not feel like it Landy, but I think you are doing better than most and especially how I would cope, if we were to swop places.

 

Keep it up dude!

Edited January 19, 2018 by Patchelicious

[GrahamS2]

Thanks boet.

 

Just been chatting to the wife about the splitting off all the bits and pieces and the deposit for renting her a place - still tugs at the heart to see no emotion or regret in her demeanor.

She more than likely feels the emotion, but she wants you to hurt a little bit too. I hope you get through this soon.

[Paul Ruinaard]

It started out as an information gathering excercise, but as the heart ache started to happen I found this thread a great place to get a little comfort and great advice. 

 

I guess playing open cards is best so those in similar situations can get a first hand account of what can happen when you stop showing love to your partner.

 

They seem to work on more of an emotional level than us men who can take a lot of abuse before we break.

 

Hope not to have ruined anybody's prospects but rathe forewarned.

Mate you have probably saved a lot more than you have hurt, or at least woken people up.

 

BTW divorces normally spike in January as its new year new beginnings etc. 

 

Like is said on one post and maybe now you get it, spilling your thoughts on a public forum is actually like therapy. The people here have no clue who you are so there is no judgement. Or very little. Advice is free and if it helps you and it gets you through your day it's pretty useful.

 

One thing divorce taught me was humility. I was flying high and landed with a huge bump. My world was completely turned upside down. It was like somebody let a bomb off in my life and i could not go back to putting all the pieces together - i had to build a new one and address my mistakes to go forward.

 

You are doing way better than what you think - most guys bottle up the rage and then hop the rails with some escape later. Be gentle on yourself. One foot in front of another. 

 

Whilst its all news to you, you will see your journey is not unique and that many of us can identify strongly with the place you are in.