Advice on Divorce

[New Landy new life]

Ii was just so sad knowing the love of my life is shacked up with another man

 

The size of the house or wealth was not the issue.

Edited January 8, 2019 by New Landy - new life

[Gen]

I was just so sad knowing the love of my life is shacked up with another man

The reality of things hey..sorry to hear about the sucker punch.. But it does however sound like you and your son had a great time and started bonding really well..that is the most important relationship atm.

[New Landy new life]

Thanks, yes that is good. Should enjoy that at least.

[Gen]

Thanks, yes that is good. Should enjoy that at least.

You should take it as a step in the right direction, as I recall your relationship with your son wasn't what you woul've liked it to be a while ago (pls correct me if I am wrong..I may have my wires crossed.. and if I do ..sorry about that)

[New Landy new life]

Yes, it did get better over our trip together.

[Johan_Kleynhans]

Cannot change the past but you can change the future.

 

From my own experience after my serious break up ( not a divorce but we were together for a few years) I felt exactly what you desribed here.

 

Now years after the breakup and getting a lot wiser I finally understood that what I went through then was feeling rejected.

 

Now also looking back I realized that the relationship would have never worked and I am actually glad that we separated. I learned through this process to be able to handle the "feeling rejected"

 

Not saying it is the case with you but it was the case with me. I was ok after we separated but when I saw her with her new guy it hit me like a hammer. I was also single at the time which made the rejection worse.

[Thor Buttox]

Cannot change the past but you can change the future.

 

From my own experience after my serious break up ( not a divorce but we were together for a few years) I felt exactly what you desribed here.

 

Now years after the breakup and getting a lot wiser I finally understood that what I went through then was feeling rejected.

 

Now also looking back I realized that the relationship would have never worked and I am actually glad that we separated. I learned through this process to be able to handle the "feeling rejected"

 

Not saying it is the case with you but it was the case with me. I was ok after we separated but when I saw her with her new guy it hit me like a hammer. I was also single at the time which made the rejection worse.

There is a valid psychological cause of this called loss aversion.

 

It causes us to stick in negative situations for far longer than is necessary and then to dwell on it for longer than is necessary.

 

If you can change your mindset to 'how many amazing opportunities am I NOT taking because I am dwelling on the one I did' and/or 'how good was it really if I/he/she left?' it tends to temper the negatives.

[Uni]

Ii was just so sad knowing the love of my life is shacked up with another man

 

The size of the house or wealth was not the issue.

in my experience women after a divorce become real *****s, and it doesn't matter who wanted the divorce. It's a sad state of affairs when the ego is hurt and we (everybody) feels the need to lash out and hurt the other side. 

 

glad you had a good trip. My mate needed a rescue at one point but from her pics - looks absolutely amazing. 

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

in my experience women after a divorce become real *****s, and it doesn't matter who wanted the divorce. It's a sad state of affairs when the ego is hurt and we (everybody) feels the need to lash out and hurt the other side. 

 

glad you had a good trip. My mate needed a rescue at one point but from her pics - looks absolutely amazing. 

bloody right... 

 

jeepers. 

[New Landy new life]

in my experience women after a divorce become real *****s, and it doesn't matter who wanted the divorce. It's a sad state of affairs when the ego is hurt and we (everybody) feels the need to lash out and hurt the other side.

 

glad you had a good trip. My mate needed a rescue at one point but from her pics - looks absolutely amazing.

Thanks Uni - might explain why she had me drop my son there, instead of at her flat.

 

P.S I had to tow a our convoy leader in a 3,5 ton fully loaded Nissan Patrol about 40 km back to Francis Town due to a broken Alternator bearing. The owner was not a Landy fan (Which he made quite clear at the start of our trip) so it was hard for him to accept my offer of a tow, seeing as I was the only vehicle without a trailer/caravan [emoji23]

[Uni]

Thanks Uni - might explain why she had me drop my son there, instead of at her flat.

 

P.S I had to tow a our convoy leader in a 3,5 ton fully loaded Nissan Patrol about 40 km back to Francis Town due to a broken Alternator bearing. The owner was not a Landy fan (Which he made quite clear at the start of our trip) so it was hard for him to accept my offer of a tow, seeing as I was the only vehicle without a trailer/caravan [emoji23]

haha my friend was also in a Nissan Patrol. She didn't say why they needed rescuing though, just that they were about 11km from civilization and needed saving. 

[Plentipotential]

Need some more advice.

I had my son with me from 18 December to 6 January and so I decided to deduct a portion I thought reasonable from my Alimony to my Ex to cover a small fraction of my expences and today when I return she sends me a threatening SMS that she is laying charges for a breach of a court order.

Will I be looked down at by the court if I fight this or do I just give up?

 

I'd pay twice what you're paying to be rid of someone like that!

 

But like suggested, communication is the way forward. You should have asked and she should have queried it with you then set you straight with a friendly reminder of the court order. Guess that's what happens when the love is gone. Sorry about your troubles.

[Honkdonk]

in my experience women after a divorce become real *****s, and it doesn't matter who wanted the divorce. It's a sad state of affairs when the ego is hurt and we (everybody) feels the need to lash out and hurt the other side.

 

True story. My ex never failed at anything. The only thing that ever failed in her life was her/our marriage. Hence the constant anger and resentment towards me. Even though she says she is not angry and has forgiven me, her actions speak otherwise.

[Patensie]

My wife sprang the divorce surprise on me on 5 Dec. It sucks. I love her and really did my best. Some days are better than others. Today was not good. We still live in the same house. The kids don't know yet (6&4 yrs old). The reasons she gave are reasons you break up a std 8 relationship, not an almost 11yr marriage. I will get through this and I'm focussing on the best possible outcome for our children.

[New Landy new life]

Sorry to hear bud.

Just remember we are all here for you as the rollercoaster is going to get very bumpy ahead for at least 12 months.

Give and us us a P.M if you want to chat, either online or in person.

[Patensie]

Will do, thanks