Advice on Divorce

[Honkdonk]

How is it going Donk ?

Hey Landy. Its going ok thanks

We communciate via whatsapp every other day or so. Not as much as I'd like but its the best of a *** situation. The time difference makes it tricky.

They have started schools and are settling in, but its still fresh - it will be a month on Thursday.

My youngest adapts to anything. She's the type that throws the door open and announces her arrival whereas my eldest is the total opposite. She is in a school temporarily until the end of year and then begins her perm school next year, so thats another change and effort to make friends. I feel deeply for her. I went through it 3 times before I was 11 - moved from Zambia to the UK, then to Canada and then landed up in Orkney in the old Wes Transvaal in the Oct of '82 so I know well what its like to change schools and to try and get a circle of friends.

But from what I am told, people over there are very accommodating, friendly and respectful

 

As for me?

I cleared up all their left over toys, books etc this week into a crate and packed it away. That was hard. Signs of them all round my house. I sold their bunks in no time and now have a spare room for bikes and other bits and pieces.

I need to look at moving out of my place into something smaller and cheaper. I dont need the space I have. I need a simple lock up and go.

I am very busy with work with lots going on, so that keeps me occupied thankfully. My lady friend and I are keeping things light and easy.

 

I guess the worse part is not knowing when I will see them again, so I need to hatch a plan for that, the hurdle is you cant go to NZ for a week, it needs to be 10 - 14 days and that comes at a price. My rough estimates put it at around 80 - 100k for flights, accom, car rental, spending money etc. Not exactly small change.. My ex wont have me staying at their place - for now that is... things might change.

 

The first week was very hard though. I was close to tears every day and still am at times. A song on the radio, or a shelf in the shop with mags and toys, the sight of a young family at a restaurant etc.. Time heals, but it doesn't take away from the reality of a new normal.

[New Landy new life]

I also still struggle like hell with the rollercoaster ride through good, sad and lonely days that is my new existence. It seemed to be going good for a while and then hit a big bump again and cut me down to size all over again. Especially hearing the X has moved on.

[GrahamS2]

My rough estimates put it at around 80 - 100k for flights, accom, car rental, spending money etc. Not exactly small change..

For 1 person to spend 2 weeks in NZ? Unless you stay at high-end hotels and eat out daily, you can do it for a LOT less than that. Heck, I know a family of 4 doing a 3 week trip there in Dec for R80k.

[Honkdonk]

Not having looked at costs there, it was my first guesstimate.. Once I get an idea of school holidays etc I'll be able to fine tune, but thats the figure I had in mind. At least if it ends up being 60k I'll be greatfull. Rather overs than unders..

[dirtypot]

Take your bike with you and use Warm Showers.  Free accommodation, you'll have your transport with you and you'll be able to hit some trails.  Win win win.

[l4y3rcake]

For 1 person to spend 2 weeks in NZ? Unless you stay at high-end hotels and eat out daily, you can do it for a LOT less than that. Heck, I know a family of 4 doing a 3 week trip there in Dec for R80k.

We are going in Feb for a wedding. Waited for Quantus to run their specials and got a return flight at 15k per person. Accomodation is hella expensive. Got a place on AirBnB and we are paying close on 3k a night for the 2 of us. So all in we are looking at 60k without visas(R2500p/p) car rental or spending.

[GrahamS2]

We are going in Feb for a wedding. Waited for Quantus to run their specials and got a return flight at 15k per person. Accomodation is hella expensive. Got a place on AirBnB and we are paying close on 3k a night for the 2 of us. So all in we are looking at 60k without visas(R2500p/p) car rental or spending.

Qantas tickets to Auckland are R10200 pp through Discovery Vitality. Staying with mates is free  

[l4y3rcake]

Qantas tickets to Auckland are R10200 pp through Discovery Vitality. Staying with mates is free

We're going to Wellington and we are not Vitality members. The cheapest Emirates flight we could find to Wellington was almost R25k. Same with Quantus but they run a buy one get one free special every year that brings the ticket with taxes down to just below 15k.

 

If we could stay with mates we would have. Remember we are going for a wedding so many people are going and not everyone can stay with the bride and groom. If you don't have family/friends couches to sleep on, NZL is expensive.

[Steven Knoetze (sk27)]

We're going to Wellington and we are not Vitality members. The cheapest Emirates flight we could find to Wellington was almost R25k. Same with Quantus but they run a buy one get one free special every year that brings the ticket with taxes down to just below 15k.

 

If we could stay with mates we would have. Remember we are going for a wedding so many people are going and not everyone can stay with the bride and groom. If you don't have family/friends couches to sleep on, NZL is expensive.

 

Friend of mine was looking at relocating. The cost of living in NZL is 52% higher than here. Thats insane, plus you are obliged to marry a sheep apparently............

[Mousea]

Friend of mine was looking at relocating. The cost of living in NZL is 52% higher than here. Thats insane, plus you are obliged to marry a sheep apparently............

 BWHAAAA

[Andymann]

 BWHAAAA

Shouldn't that be BAAAAAAA?

[Slowbee]

Guys some advice pls.

 

We know someone going through a divorce, all rather messy. But the "guilty" party (he) is refusing to move out. Now they are renting - but the rental agreement is in "her" name, as this she was living there before they got married.

 

What are the options on getting the guilty party out ? She does not want to give up the lease and he is saying he will only move out after the divorce.

 

So ja what are the options ?

[Plentipotential]

She should consult with a lawyer, you, should stay out of it. That's my advice.

[Harryn]

Guys some advice pls.

 

We know someone going through a divorce, all rather messy. But the "guilty" party (he) is refusing to move out. Now they are renting - but the rental agreement is in "her" name, as this she was living there before they got married.

 

What are the options on getting the guilty party out ? She does not want to give up the lease and he is saying he will only move out after the divorce.

 

So ja what are the options ?

Interesting conundrum:

 

Option 1. Get to a good mediator super fast, and put this as number 1 on the agenda. If that does not work go to 2

 

Option 2. Her lawyer writes him a nasty letter recording that he has brought the relationship to crisis to the extent that the marriage has irretrievably broken down. She cannot live under the same roof, and despite request he has refused to move out pending the formalization and finalisation of divorce proceedings. The acrimony does is not in kids interests, blah blah blah. The lawyer will record that the lease is in her name, and if he refuses to co-operate, she will formally revoke his rights of occupancy. If that does not work, go to 3.

 

Option 3. Approach the landlord, explain the situation, and ask the landlord to address a letter asking him to get out pronto as the lessee no longer wishes him to hold occupation by virtue of her rights of occupancy under the lease. This letter must be formal but bitchy as hell. If that does not fly, go to 4

 

Option 4. Apply to court to get him out, pending the grant of the divorce, get fam adv support, and maybe this is do-able as part of a rule 43. But, kaching kaching.

 

Option 5. Pool acid

 

Edit_ : if there has been / is abuse, consider a protection order.

Edited November 15, 2018 by Harryn

[Slowbee]

Eish !

 

Thanks guys.

[eddy]

Ignore everything I have ever said on this thread. Whilst the theory is sound, in practice I am finding it very, very different.