Advice on Divorce

[GrahamS2]

and if I'm not smoking my socks, she can't do anything about it in NZ court, can she? Custody and maintenance agreements were formed under SA law, with (maybe) different laws surrounding this stuff. Can't all of a sudden try to change it to comply with NZ law / use any potential positive (for her) differences just because she moved there, correct?

As I understand it, that’s right. She would need to approach the SA courts to enforce anything

[Honkdonk]

Well the good news is that the ex has fulfilled her obligation of getting me to NZ to visit the kids. It's part of our settlement agreement and she has freed up some dosh to pay the return flight. I need to cover internal flights, accom and car rental..

 

It will be in January when the kids are on holiday and summertime. So something to look forward to work towards.

[Amberdrake]

Sounds gr8 maybe a good chance to setup a interview or two?

[Honkdonk]

Sounds gr8 maybe a good chance to setup a interview or two?

That will definitely be on the cards. I will be doing some research on the Event Technology industry in NZ in the coming months.

My folks move back to the UK next month so it leaves all on my own-some here, and with the rate at which the Rand is falling through it's own asshole, there is never a better time to look beyond and into the future.

[The Bull Shark]

That will definitely be on the cards. I will be doing some research on the Event Technology industry in NZ in the coming months.

My folks move back to the UK next month so it leaves all on my own-some here, and with the rate at which the Rand is falling through it's own asshole, there is never a better time to look beyond and into the future.

 

Yup. Good idea. When SA goes full on Venezuela, the ZAR will be worthless.

[Amberdrake]

So went riding this weekend on MTB for first time in 6months odd, during my general pre ride check etc I notice my saddle is looking little more breathy, Some how while hanging in storage well away from everything its developed some square shaped stabby type wounds in the foam through the fo leather. Was still a great ride. Saddle works just less pretty.

[New Landy new life]

So how are all the Lad's doing that are going/gone   through divorce in the last while ?

 

Hope you are on the way to recovery.

 

I have taken 2 months off  in-between employment which has been good for the soul.

 

Currently in NYC visiting my dear daughter and having an absolute blast here  - getting home to Locust Valley on the 1 am Train from NYC most nights and using the brilliant CitiBike system to cycle all over Manhattan.  The subway has confused me completely and had to cycle from far away to get back to the city again, but safer than trying to take another subway even further away.

 

All the best to you all.

[BigDL]

So how are all the Lad's doing that are going/gone through divorce in the last while ?

 

Hope you are on the way to recovery.

 

I have taken 2 months off in-between employment which has been good for the soul.

 

Currently in NYC visiting my dear daughter and having an absolute blast here - getting home to Locust Valley on the 1 am Train from NYC most nights and using the brilliant CitiBike system to cycle all over Manhattan. The subway has confused me completely and had to cycle from far away to get back to the city again, but safer than trying to take another subway even further away.

 

All the best to you all.

Heading to New York on Monday. Will try the citibikes

[Letum911]

Here's a question for the legal buffs..

 

My ex and I were married and subsequently divorced here in SA under the SA legal system.

She is now resident in NZ with the kids.

As far as I know nothing changes as the divorce order and settlement agreement is written and signed on SA soil and any disputes that may arise we need to do our best to settle amicably and not in a court of law with associated costs. 

We haven't gotten to that stage yet, and hopefully never will, but every now and then she throws something out there saying that I fall under the NZ law. They are not citizens yet and I reckon she is just being full of the brown stuff.

Should I decide relocate to NZ or the UK in the near future then things will change.

 

Anyone have experience with this?

 

This is a bit more complex and one will have to look into the relationship ito reciprocal enforcement of orders between the countries. Certain parts of the orders can be enforced for instance Maintenance if there is an agreement between the countries, however other parts not necessarily. 

 

I have not dealt with NZ but have dealt with Lichtenstein on a Curatorship order granted in SA. We had to bring an application in Lichtenstein in which the Court there confirmed the contents of our SA order and incorporated it into a new order. 

[New Landy new life]

Heading to New York on Monday. Will try the citibikes

Download the APP and add your credit  card details.  I bought a local sim card so I can make use of Google Maps, Train Timetables and Ticket Purchases on the Long Island Rail Road. etc.

 

The most economical option on the CitiBike is the 12$ whole day option with as many 30 minute rides as you please, but be warned, you only have 30 minutes per ride and then you need to dock the bike at any one of a million stations which show up on the APP screen or you get charged more.  Bikes are not too bad and have 3 electronic gears and lights.  I was cycling until 1 am on the streets of Manhattan with no issues if you stick to the bike lanes, little more hairy if you just join in the normal traffic.

Good Luck.

[Bonus]

So how are all the Lad's doing that are going/gone   through divorce in the last while ?

 

Hope you are on the way to recovery.

 

I have taken 2 months off  in-between employment which has been good for the soul.

 

Currently in NYC visiting my dear daughter and having an absolute blast here  - getting home to Locust Valley on the 1 am Train from NYC most nights and using the brilliant CitiBike system to cycle all over Manhattan.  The subway has confused me completely and had to cycle from far away to get back to the city again, but safer than trying to take another subway even further away.

 

All the best to you all.

  

Heading to New York on Monday. Will try the citibikes

 

We were in NYC last November, also to see a daughter. We thought we were going to hate it - noisy, expensive, people all in a rush etc but we absolutely loved it!

[Paul Ruinaard]

Shu, you guys were right about the hateful messages eventually arriving. Seems there is a sudden upsurge since discovering that I am a very happy chappy with my lady. Nice to be in a happy place and able to ignore it all. Even after I had to give up the last of my furniture that I lost in the settlement and was eventually collected.  

You have a come a long way since thta first post....

[Plentipotential]

Here's a question for the legal buffs..

 

My ex and I were married and subsequently divorced here in SA under the SA legal system.

She is now resident in NZ with the kids.

As far as I know nothing changes as the divorce order and settlement agreement is written and signed on SA soil and any disputes that may arise we need to do our best to settle amicably and not in a court of law with associated costs. 

We haven't gotten to that stage yet, and hopefully never will, but every now and then she throws something out there saying that I fall under the NZ law. They are not citizens yet and I reckon she is just being full of the brown stuff.

Should I decide relocate to NZ or the UK in the near future then things will change.

 

Anyone have experience with this?

 

I don't recall if you indicated your children's age in a previous post on this thread but this may be a point worth considering. At some time in the future they will be an age where the mothers opinion of you has no legal bearing (not sure of my terming here) However, what you need to avoid at all costs in the meantime is getting sucked into the hate game with a woman who becomes hell bent on making your life a miserable one, you will lose. What she may also do is attempt to drive a wedge between you and the kids, this would be a disaster.

 

She got what she wanted, she lives a long way away and at some point she will have to go through the tough period that most people who leave do. Perhaps that's now? maybe you get blamed? Hold the high ground, abide by the courts ruling, as I'm sure you are doing and do what ever it takes to keep your relationship with your children a loving one. The years will pass and you will still have your kids and she will be out of your life for good. Lot's of us have kids that live overseas, it's tough, yours started very early and neither they nor you had a choice in that decision. You have to do what ever it takes to maintain a relationship with them while still being a father. Good luck to you all.

[Honkdonk]

Thanks PP

 

My daughters are 12 and 5 and, from what I see, have settled down really well into Kiwi life and the schools they are in. What I don't see is the tears and hard times that come with a relocation away from close family and friends. But then my ex would never show that kind of weakness. 

 

The wedge you make mention of I know all too well, but I am wise to her words and attempts. We seem to be over the worst of the one sided mud slinging. I don't entertain it whatsoever and civility has prevailed.

 

Looking forward to the trip over in Jan!

[Honkdonk]

Tickets booked for Jan!

9 - 26th January.

[The Bull Shark]

Thanks PP

 

My daughters are 12 and 5 and, from what I see, have settled down really well into Kiwi life and the schools they are in. What I don't see is the tears and hard times that come with a relocation away from close family and friends. But then my ex would never show that kind of weakness. 

 

The wedge you make mention of I know all too well, but I am wise to her words and attempts. We seem to be over the worst of the one sided mud slinging. I don't entertain it whatsoever and civility has prevailed.

 

Looking forward to the trip over in Jan!

 

It is well that you did not take the bait. That was really her intention. Had you taken the bait, she would have raised it to the next level.

Edited July 29, 2019 by Moridin