Advice on Divorce

[Mudsimus]

Cite authority for this.

The court must ensure that any changes to the court order is in the best interest of minors involved. They will also decide on the increase or reduction.

[New Landy new life]

The thing is that my ex is an essential worker and will never loose her salary. I on the other had have been reduced this month but am still able to afford full maintenance. Next month we are on no work no pay so that could be dismal for me. Is the court still contactable next month and how would you provide details based on only billable hours to a client will be paid to us as salary. Bit of a difficult one.

[eddy]

The thing is that my ex is an essential worker and will never loose her salary. I on the other had have been reduced this month but am still able to afford full maintenance. Next month we are on no work no pay so that could be dismal for me. Is the court still contactable next month and how would you provide details based on only billable hours to a client will be paid to us as salary. Bit of a difficult one.

In respect of whom are you paying maintenance, your ex or a minor child ?

[New Landy new life]

19 year old who is working.

[Honkdonk]

Was waiting for this to crop up in light of the current situation..

 

I've lost every single bit of work for the foreseeable future as a result of this Corona pandemic and its not like I had a stash of cash saved for a rainy day. At least I don't owe on a car, bond, overdraft, loan etc, but not having any form of income until who knows is a cause for concern.

I'm a self employed subcontractor and its a very scary position to be in to put in mildly..

 

My kids live in New Zealand and I pay maintenance into her SA account, (but that's about to change) and the split cost amount in Kiwi$'s into her NZ bank account. She has offered for me to forfeit my maintenance payments for 3 months in lieu of the plane ticket she covers to get me over to NZ once a year to visit the kids as per our settlement agreement. Like the banks here - any payment holiday comes at a price.

 

Once again there are no winners in a divorce, especially when the great virus of 2020 has struck

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

crap, HD. That's sucky, but better than the alternatives IMO. Much better than some arrangements I've seen and heard of with uncompromising exes. 

 

 

Not related, but related to your closing line. 

 

Yesterday, walking my son back to his mom's place (2km away) I had him on my shoulders for some of the walk, and when I moved to put him down, he started panicking uncharacteristically. I asked him what was wrong, but deadpan. Nothing. So we stopped, and I tell him that it's polite to answer someone when they ask you a question. Nothing. So I change tack, and ask him why he panicked when I was taking him off my shoulders. Nothing. I then ask if he was scared I'd drop him. A little nod. Okay. Not the answer I'd wanted, but let's carry on. "why did you think I'd drop you, my boy? I'd never do that"

 

Cue full tears. "but you just left". My jaw goes stiff from me clamping it shut. Spend the next 10 minutes explaining that I'll never leave him. 

 

Absolutely flippin gutted. I don't know WTF the ex has been saying to him these past 2 1/2 years, but my son was scared that I'd leave him. 

[Honkdonk]

Damn that made me cry..

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

Damn that made me cry..

Dude. He's my world. It broke my heart hearing that. 

[Gen]

crap, HD. That's sucky, but better than the alternatives IMO. Much better than some arrangements I've seen and heard of with uncompromising exes.

 

 

Not related, but related to your closing line.

 

Yesterday, walking my son back to his mom's place (2km away) I had him on my shoulders for some of the walk, and when I moved to put him down, he started panicking uncharacteristically. I asked him what was wrong, but deadpan. Nothing. So we stopped, and I tell him that it's polite to answer someone when they ask you a question. Nothing. So I change tack, and ask him why he panicked when I was taking him off my shoulders. Nothing. I then ask if he was scared I'd drop him. A little nod. Okay. Not the answer I'd wanted, but let's carry on. "why did you think I'd drop you, my boy? I'd never do that"

 

Cue full tears. "but you just left". My jaw goes stiff from me clamping it shut. Spend the next 10 minutes explaining that I'll never leave him.

 

Absolutely flippin gutted. I don't know WTF the ex has been saying to him these past 2 1/2 years, but my son was scared that I'd leave him.

Oh man that's heartbreaking

[gemmerbal]

that right there is why kids from broken marriages develop problems. I say this with the utmost respect to you Captain.

 

I am just so lucky that when my folks divorced back in 19 voertsek, they remained relatively respectful to and of each other, specifically in front of us kids (maybe my sisters have a different view, but that is what I experienced).

 

My heartfelt sympathy man, its not easy to try and remain civil when the other party is not playing ball. And being the better person doesn't solve the problem, but it does halve the harmful behaviour emotional abuse your boy is exposed to.

 

Strongs Captain.

crap, HD. That's sucky, but better than the alternatives IMO. Much better than some arrangements I've seen and heard of with uncompromising exes. 

 

 

Not related, but related to your closing line. 

 

Yesterday, walking my son back to his mom's place (2km away) I had him on my shoulders for some of the walk, and when I moved to put him down, he started panicking uncharacteristically. I asked him what was wrong, but deadpan. Nothing. So we stopped, and I tell him that it's polite to answer someone when they ask you a question. Nothing. So I change tack, and ask him why he panicked when I was taking him off my shoulders. Nothing. I then ask if he was scared I'd drop him. A little nod. Okay. Not the answer I'd wanted, but let's carry on. "why did you think I'd drop you, my boy? I'd never do that"

 

Cue full tears. "but you just left". My jaw goes stiff from me clamping it shut. Spend the next 10 minutes explaining that I'll never leave him. 

 

Absolutely flippin gutted. I don't know WTF the ex has been saying to him these past 2 1/2 years, but my son was scared that I'd leave him. 

Edited April 30, 2020 by gemmerbal

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

that right there is why kids from broken marriages develop problems. I say this with the utmost respect to you Captain.

 

I am just so lucky that when my folks divorced back in 19 voertsek, they remained relatively respectful to and of each other, specifically in front of us kids (maybe my sisters have a different view, but that is what I experienced).

 

My heartfelt sympathy man, its not easy to try and remain civil when the other party is not playing ball. And being the better person doesn't solve the problem, but it does halve the harmful behaviour your boy is exposed to.

 

Strongs Captain.

thanks, guys. It's not only his mother though. His gran (my outlaw) is a properly toxic and vindictive individual, My mother put it best - she'd have to think about alerting the lifeguard if she was being swept out to sea.

 

I get on well with my ex FIL. Okay, we don't talk, 'cos I divorced his daughter and that's a no-no in dadland, but we've always been on good terms. 

 

I've also never, ever, said anything bad about his mother in front of him, or when he's around. I may despise her, but she's still his mom. 

[Rocket-Boy]

thanks, guys. It's not only his mother though. His gran (my outlaw) is a properly toxic and vindictive individual, My mother put it best - she'd have to think about alerting the lifeguard if she was being swept out to sea.

 

I get on well with my ex FIL. Okay, we don't talk, 'cos I divorced his daughter and that's a no-no in dadland, but we've always been on good terms. 

 

I've also never, ever, said anything bad about his mother in front of him, or when he's around. I may despise her, but she's still his mom. 

Bud you are a bigger man than I am, Im not sure how you manage to stay so calm and objective about the situation.

I just hope that when your son is a bit older he will remember that and appreciate it. 

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

Bud you are a bigger man than I am, Im not sure how you manage to stay so calm and objective about the situation.

I just hope that when your son is a bit older he will remember that and appreciate it. 

I've adopted a bit of a new mantra recently. I can't do anything about what's happened in the past, but I can control what I do in the future. 

 

That, in addition to "people are stupid" and "don't be a dick". Sometimes it's difficult to balance those last 2, though... 

 

Oh - and dishonesty. I cannot abide by it. 

[Letum911]

@Captain my heart goes out to you!!

 

As a an attorney who does mostly divorces I always feel sorry for the kids who get dragged into it. I always recommend my clients to attend co parenting workshops to sorta get them working together but unfortunately in 80% of the cases kids become pawns and the other party becomes a villain.

[Grass Muncher]

I have a question.

 

A couple is going through a divorce.

The man owns 1/3 of a lodge his father had put on his name.

Right before the divorce the man changes the ownership back to his father.

 

*Does the wife still get half of the 1/3 the man previously owned

 

I'm just asking for a friend.

Edited May 11, 2020 by Grass Muncher

[Let's Ride]

I have a question.

 

A couple is going through a divorce.

The man owns 1/3 of a lodge his father had put on his name.

Right before the divorce the man changes the ownership back to his father.

 

*Does the wife still get half of the 1/3 the man previously owned

 

I'm just asking for a friend.

Interesting... I won't think so. I have heard of people selling cars for very cheap so that the wife get's nothing.