Advice on Divorce

[Neil Neil Neil]

Chaps, this is a great thread for many reasons.

 

But as with all threads (and history) when religion starts, things go south.

 

So can we please drop the religious and get back to the focus.

 

Asking as a hubber, not a moderator.

Didn't feel mentioning this on the, I have an idea... thread was important? People were seriously thrashing it out there.

[CAAD4]

Truly inspiring quotes all around, guys.

 

Wie nie waag nie, saag nie.

Hahahaha! Almost French press coffee through my nose.

[Thor Buttox]

Chaps, this is a great thread for many reasons.

 

But as with all threads (and history) when religion starts, things go south.

 

So can we please drop the religious and get back to the focus.

 

Asking as a hubber, not a moderator.

One if the commandments is 'Do not covet they neighbours ox'. If that's not relevant to where this thread went, I don't know what is...

[Slowbee]

One if the commandments is 'Do not covet they neighbours ox'. If that's not relevant to where this thread went, I don't know what is...

Given your current location I was thinking ram, rather than ox, would be more relevant.

[Slowbee]

I know most of the comments on here have come from male hubbers.

 

Any lady hubbers gone through a divorce ?

[New Landy new life]

I know most of the comments on here have come from male hubbers.

 

Any lady hubbers gone through a divorce ?

From what I have noticed being in this situation now and speaking to guys and girls in a similar situation, it seems that the ladies find it easier to let go of a bad relationship and move on easier. They also have a stronger bond with their female friends to help them deal with it and offer them support.

That's my take on it but better to hear from them directly.

Edited May 10, 2018 by NoMore Landy

[Hacc]

I know most of the comments on here have come from male hubbers.

 

Any lady hubbers gone through a divorce ?

I did in 2015.

 

From what I have noticed being in this situation now and speaking to guys and girls in a similar situation, it seems that the ladies find it easier to let go of a bad relationship and move on easier. They also have a stronger bond with their female friends to help them deal with it and offer them support.

That's my take on it but better to hear from them directly.

I completely disagree and agree with this.

It was definitely not easy to let go, it was the worst time in my life and I don't wish it upon my biggest enemy.

Yes, we do tend to talk more about our emotions to friends and family. We also have ups and downs. Some days you want to be left alone and some days you want to finish a bottle of wine or two with friends.  

I think what made it easier for me is the fact that I have always been very independent (even financially). When I got divorced I bought my own toolbox and drill, I have assembled my own bookcase, I have done maintenance around my place and I even clean my own pool. 

 

I have a strong belief that we are not supposed to grow old alone. It is a very scary thought to open your heart to someone new and to trust again. To be honest I am petrified of a serious relationship and marriage. 

[blondeonabike]

Me too. Only recently. Out of respect to my ex who is also a hubber I will not discuss those details.

 

All I can say is that it is hard. You find out you are stronger than you think and take it day by day.

 

Like hacc, I have also learnt to do many things like fix all the computer junk my ex used to do. I also have a toolbox, and what I dont know I google. I even learnt how to recharge my car battery with jumper cables after I left the lights on one night.

Edited May 10, 2018 by blondeonabike

[Paddaman]

Given your current location I was thinking ram, rather than ox, would be more relevant.

Have you seen the pics of Cyril's Oxen in the latest Getaway magazine?  They are covet worthy....(I think this is why Supra gave Zuma the R1.4 million worth of cattle.  (To make him feel wanted again....)  The bromance was strong

[New Landy new life]

I have a strong belief that we are not supposed to grow old alone. It is a very scary thought to open your heart to someone new and to trust again. To be honest I am petrified of a serious relationship and marriage. 

 

I fully understand your feelings on that too.

 

I also hate coming home and not being able to share how my day went, or come back from a ride/race and no-one to clean out my grazes and feel sorry for me or encourage me any longer.

 

I also don't want to be alone until I am old - been married since about 24 years old so don't know how to be on my own.

 

The one good thing that happened yesterday is that my Daughter had a fallout with her flat-mate and returned to live with me after being out the house for the last 3.5 years.

 

Difficult to get used to, but nice at the same time. 

[Honkdonk]

I have a bittersweet feeling about the whole thing. She was in court on Tuesday and made a big deal out of it. I on the other hand went riding in the Cradle to reflect, instead of going out smashing beers and celebrating with mates - I kept it quiet.

I understand what it all means and while it's a major weight of my shoulders I cant help but thinking about my kids. But I guess we need to focus on going forward and leave the past behind us. Its a new life and I need to build on - even though its been a 2 year period to adjust and adjust we all have.

My eldest daughter has struggled and her image of what was a solid family unit was destroyed the moment I left. That's the part that hurts the most - me and her. So that is something I need to work on.

The unfortunate part is that I am a subcontractor - read freelancer to the industry I operate in and it unfortunately knows no boundaries and operates 24/7 so when work comes in I am very hesitant to say no, and it does mean that I forgo my weekends with the kids (and boy, does that get rubbed in my face). No work means no pay, so I need all I can get. The ex is not prepared to swap weekends if I have one off 'Our lives don't revolve around you and your schedule' is the general comment I get. My off days are often mid week. so then I go riding, running and to gym.

The split and divorce has ruined me financially and it will take a long time to recover, but recover I will and emerge out the other side with my head held high.

 

We had an accrual built into our ANC which was very poorly put together. She was employing some very 'interesting' tactics during our battle and my lawyer spotted this and we made a point of using our own tactics and the poorly worded accrual clause worked in my favor. So out of it all I get a small payout. But if you could only know what I was presented with late 2016 compared to what I signed it was worth it. I'll bet neither of us will make that mistake again..

 

The loneliness I can deal with. I don't have an issue with it. But there is living alone and being alone.. I'm good with the one and not ready for the other. I know what I need to do and focus on.

 

A great thread this. No one need to be shy or keep things bottled up. Help, advice and is always welcome from those who have gone through it and those going through it.

[New Landy new life]

So today I am a free man aswell - The court apparently has finalized the divorce yesterday.

 

Don't feel a thing as yet - still a bit numb.

 

On with my new life.

 

Cheers for all the advice and support guys and girls.

[Gen]

So today I am a free man aswell - The court apparently has finalized the divorce yesterday.

 

Don't feel a thing as yet - still a bit numb.

 

On with my new life.

 

Cheers for all the advice and support guys and girls.

Wow..that was fast.

 

 

Onwards and upwards

 

Sent from my SM-G950F using Tapatalk

Edited May 15, 2018 by Gen

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

So today I am a free man aswell - The court apparently has finalized the divorce yesterday.

 

Don't feel a thing as yet - still a bit numb.

 

On with my new life.

 

Cheers for all the advice and support guys and girls.

onwards and upwards, Landy... 

[Kranswurm]

Wow..that was fast.

 

 

Onwards and upwards

 

Sent from my SM-G950F using Tapatalk

Very...someone fast tracked that process

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

Just got this...

 

"Hi Myles

 

I trust this finds you well.

 

Now that we have all the necessary documents, we can proceed with finalizing the matter."

 

Aww yiss!!!!