Advice on Divorce

[Hairy]

Best wishes and hope this eventually all sorts itself out.

 

A good friend of mine has been divorced for a good many years now already, and in this time he and his ex. have been able to put things behind them and become good friends. 

 

He often visits and spends time with both of them, he say's she is now one of his best friends ..... but he certainly will not "go back again".

 

Hopefully you can find yourself in the same space in good time.

 

 

Sorry 

My post doesn't show it but I do exactly that. I refuse to argue, I turn and walk away.

I spend time with my daughter as I can as much as I can. All of the time I take pictures for the family and friends and post it on groups. 

I have no need to prove anything as I spent 2 weeks watching her alone during dec.

I do my best and this fight is about the health of my child and that's what makes it hard, I can see the change in daughter from with me and grandfather VS what we see when she just came from home(ex staying there alone atm with her). 

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

Sorry 

My post doesn't show it but I do exactly that. I refuse to argue, I turn and walk away.

I spend time with my daughter as I can as much as I can. All of the time I take pictures for the family and friends and post it on groups. 

I have no need to prove anything as I spent 2 weeks watching her alone during dec.

I do my best and this fight is about the health of my child and that's what makes it hard, I can see the change in daughter from with me and grandfather VS what we see when she just came from home(ex staying there alone atm with her). 

Dude, I know exactly how you feel with this. I'm experiencing it, albeit at a lower level in that she doesn't actively try to argue, but boy oh boy, when I put my foot down / something doesn't go HER way, the gloves come off and I just sit back. 

 

The difference in his behaviour even after just 20 min in my sole care is bloody incredible.  

[Steven Knoetze (sk27)]

@Amberdrake, I am assuming by "posting to groups" you mean on whatsapp, i.e. controlled groups.

 

Just be careful posting on social media as she may turn around one day and say it is irresponsible.

[Amberdrake]

Yes controlled groups, IE family whatsapp, Even the facebook is friends only as far as I am aware ill have to check again the settings.

[DJR]

I cannot add much about how to deal with it, but thought that a little wisdom someone shared with me when my 2 were little and I felt a bit out of my depth may just come in handy:

 

I was worried that I knew nothing about raising kids and that I'll screw it up. He said that we can get just about everything wrong and the kids will still be fine, even great, as long as we get the ONE important thing right! To LOVE them above anything else, and to make sure they KNOW that, from what you SAY and what you DO!

 

I keep faith in that little bit of advice and I trust that it will outweigh all the mistakes I make.

[Amberdrake]

I cannot add much about how to deal with it, but thought that a little wisdom someone shared with me when my 2 were little and I felt a bit out of my depth may just come in handy:

 

I was worried that I knew nothing about raising kids and that I'll screw it up. He said that we can get just about everything wrong and the kids will still be fine, even great, as long as we get the ONE important thing right! To LOVE them above anything else, and to make sure they KNOW that, from what you SAY and what you DO!

 

I keep faith in that little bit of advice and I trust that it will outweigh all the mistakes I make.

I Agree Its the one thing I keep doing.

[Beard]

Also make sure you always keep your word to them and show up when you say you will. Even if something said in passing like next visit you’ll get ice-creams or whatever, make sure you do. Kids in divorce are more hypersensitive to being let down (partly as your ex consciously or not will let them know that you let her down in various ways and thats why it’s over) and often its the main negative they remember as they grow up into adults. Good luck!

[Mike Bike]

I would like to add to DJR and the Beards comments. I’m not married but been with my Mrs and her daughters for 10 yrs. kids are 14 and 16. We have a delinquent sperm donor who professes love but actions show nothing. The kids after our Christmas holiday turned round to the sperm donor and told him they don’t want him in their lives any more. They want a responsible parent and he isn’t it. So love your kids(even non biological) they give the love back and will see thru the crap of an angry split up and soon see who is the tool

[Amberdrake]

I have seen this first hand with my friend and his now Fiance, they love her too bits. Mom is the main parental guardian, due too his work at the time of divorce. They are hoping to have kids around more often and have even managed to get more week days. 

I would like to add to DJR and the Beards comments. I’m not married but been with my Mrs and her daughters for 10 yrs. kids are 14 and 16. We have a delinquent sperm donor who professes love but actions show nothing. The kids after our Christmas holiday turned round to the sperm donor and told him they don’t want him in their lives any more. They want a responsible parent and he isn’t it. So love your kids(even non biological) they give the love back and will see thru the crap of an angry split up and soon see who is the tool

[Amberdrake]

Soooo

Ex strips her clutch this mng (the car) on way to work (not exactly sure what happened tbh)

I get a call, whats wrong with car possibly, so im like no freaking clue (TBH I was dead tired).

Few minutes later new call, can you fetch me, I'm like nope sorry impossible just got home after working all night and being up 24hrs I can't see straight its irresponsible for me to drive now(50km in traffic odd).

 

So i'm the bad guy now cause I had other things going.

 

Days like today remind me why I left.

[New Landy new life]

Soooo

Ex strips her clutch this mng (the car) on way to work (not exactly sure what happened tbh)

I get a call, whats wrong with car possibly, so im like no freaking clue (TBH I was dead tired).

Few minutes later new call, can you fetch me, I'm like nope sorry impossible just got home after working all night and being up 24hrs I can't see straight its irresponsible for me to drive now(50km in traffic odd).

 

So i'm the bad guy now cause I had other things going.

 

Days like today remind me why I left.

Same happened to me in the beginning, car needs service, please can you help/do the service and some repairs. Sorry babes, that privilege is no longer applicable. Have to do my own laundry and cooking now. Get a mechanic dear.

At the time I was too angry with her but I still wouldn't do it now either.

That's the new reality of a broken partnership.

You do your own stuff and I will do mine.

 

Sent from my SM-G960F using Tapatalk

[Mudsimus]

Soooo

Ex strips her clutch this mng (the car) on way to work (not exactly sure what happened tbh)

I get a call, whats wrong with car possibly, so im like no freaking clue (TBH I was dead tired).

Few minutes later new call, can you fetch me, I'm like nope sorry impossible just got home after working all night and being up 24hrs I can't see straight its irresponsible for me to drive now(50km in traffic odd).

 

So i'm the bad guy now cause I had other things going.

 

Days like today remind me why I left.

I hope she wasn't left stranded next to the road????

[Amberdrake]

I hope she wasn't left stranded next to the road

She was, however she made other arrangements. I am being serious here I was in no state to drive the distance required. My father and sister was standing next to me when call came and sister was shaking her head before I even said no. She could have called my dad he would also have helped.

 

I am the go to guy because she wants to reconcile, I don't. So i have to play the bad guy and distance myself, and force my time with kid or be left with her interrupting it all the time.

I left for many reasons, none of them have changed in her other than she decided to see a counselor now. I did say I would also attend for best of my Child after divorce, but her appointment clashed with my time to drop of kid at school....... something she knew it would do.

So I politely declined and we will have to make alternate arranged time.

[HDW]

Both of these scenarios would have been so satisfying to me. People will divorce you, and then still ask for the perks they had of being married to you/being your friend. If that isn't the most self centered thing I've heard all week I don't know what will be.

 

That's like phoning her at 1 am, drunk, for a a booty call, asking if she could help you out... you know, because she used to? Wtf

[CDK]

Both of these scenarios would have been so satisfying to me. People will divorce you, and then still ask for the perks they had of being married to you/being your friend. If that isn't the most self centered thing I've heard all week I don't know what will be.

 

That's like phoning her at 1 am, drunk, for a a booty call, asking if she could help you out... you know, because she used to? Wtf

You have to keep your wife mate. If i get home at one, even sober and ask for a bit of love there will be hell to pay that will end with me not evening having the privilege of the sleeping inside the house.     

[HDW]

You have to keep your wife mate. If i get home at one, even sober and ask for a bit of love there will be hell to pay that will end with me not evening having the privilege of the sleeping inside the house.     

 

Haha, isn't that true. Just recently I went out with my friends for a couple of drinks and when I came home at like 2 am or something I got in bed and tried to kiss my wife, and she says she nearly puked. Ok fair enough, she is 8 months pregnant, but that's life. Men are such pigs