Advice on Divorce

[New Landy new life]

So after 21 years my wife has had enough and asked to leave me and will not give an option of counselling at all.

 

 

We both work but she earns not too much as a nurse working 7 to 13h00 every day at the moment which I assume she will have to work more hours in future.

 

Been looking on YouTube for advice on how to go about it and the divorce rules but not enough info there.

 

Just a few questions maybe some of you can answer.

 

If we agree on who get's what inside the house as well as a car I bought her, can you go via one of these online type lawyers and if so which one for Cape Town would you recommend.

 

We only have 1 kid left in the house at 17 y.o so I assume I carry on paying his schooling fully myself. I wouldn't try shirk that in any-case.

 

At present I rent one of my old-man's houses with the agreed aim to inherit the house when he passes so, because we are married with an ANC contract which specified inheritances remained our own if we should split that my wife should move out as it would be too difficult for her to maintain the property and pool etc. in any-case.

 

I assume both our pension funds will be split down the middle with the bulk being mine will go to her ?

 

Do I need to maintain her lifestyle the same as before as well or only the Kid ?

 

Do I need to find and pay full rental on a small pad for her and my son, or does she have to contribute ?

 

Is it best to speak to a divorce lawyer just for a consultation or can I just use the online type.

 

Really was a hard pill to swallow today as I still love this lady I married but it has been a bumpy ride the last 7 years or so, lot of both our faults going to bed angry instead of resolving and both of us are very stubborn.

 

Anyway - would appreciate some constructive practical advice.

 

P.S - Do I need to now start a new circle of friends from scratch due to one's common married friends - what did you guys do  ?

 

(46 years old)

 

[PhilipV]

Aaai man. Sorry to hear that.

You need to speak to a lawyer. A real one, not an online lawyer.

If it is amicable, then you can use the same lawyer, but if it gets ugly, each gets their own lawyer. Let's hope it doesn't get to that.

Just as every marriage is different, even divorce is unique, and you can't apply another person's situation to your circumstances.

 

Good luck. Rough road ahead for you and your (soon to be exact) wife and children.

Edited December 23, 2017 by PhilipV

[New Landy new life]

Thanks Philip - will do so

 

Anyone that can recommend a divorce lawyer will be appreciated

[Sepia]

Jeez, sorry to hear mate. Really sorry.

Hang in there and best wishes.

[Jaws677]

*** one. Best is to go see a laywer together if you both can agree to everything from

[Stretch]

End of the day.. You have to go to court... You sound like you not planning on fighting **** and she probably won't want to either. You have to maintain her lifestyle. Try agree on numbers and both of you see the lawyer together... What im saying is try resolve as much without the bloodsuckers

[New Landy new life]

End of the day.. You have to go to court... You sound like you not planning on fighting **** and she probably won't want to either. You have to maintain her lifestyle. Try agree on numbers and both of you see the lawyer together... What im saying is try resolve as much without the bloodsuckers

 

I see, yes we are in no fighting mood and I am always a fair person so will give what I can if she remains reasonable as she was when married.

[GLuvsMtb]

Draw up a list of income vs expenses each and work out what both can afford and where sacrifices are to be made. You lose the synergy of sharing accommodation, groceries property utilities, etc. so neither you or your lady will be able to maintain the lifestyle you are accustomed to.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

[GLuvsMtb]

Forgot to add, do a list of assets and liabilities as well for each.

 

 

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[New Landy new life]

Assets are minimal and liabilities none luckily but we have always lived modest lives

[Letum911]

Sheesh bad news on this Saturday.

 

Unfortunately I do not know any attorneys in the Cape, closest to you I know is Simpson's in Bellville.

 

As for your questions.

1) Get a real attorney on board ASAP, not these online jobbies.

2) You WILL be liable for your portion of the kid's maintenance, which will include housing, schooling, medical etc.

3) There is no guarantee that you will have to maintain the wife's living standard, there are various things that will be taken into consideration regarding maintenance for her.

3.1) Of course any agreement made in this regard can save you massive issues. Do a bit of research regarding rehabilitative maintenance. For "older" couples this is something I normally incorporate in settlement agreements.

[eddy]

 

 

 

I see, yes we are in no fighting mood and I am always a fair person so will give what I can if she remains reasonable as she was when married.

 

 

You DO need a lawyer. even if you think it is going to be amicable, it will not be.

 

Trying to do it yourself is penny wise and pound foolish. What you stand to lose in a bad settlement is much more that a lawyer would cost you. See a lawyer.

 

Some other bits of advice :

 

Look after your own interests first. Unless you do you will not be able to look after your son's interests which I figure is what you would want to do.

 

Don't give away any more than you have to. It won't buy you any goodwill from your ex and will do you no good.

 

Don't agree to pay your ex ANY alimony or maintenance, not even R1.00. Pay as much as you can afford for your son though. You have an obligation to put a roof over his head, food in his mouth and education for his benefit, etc. Pay his share of their living expenses as long as he lives with her. If you do this sensibly, when he no longer does, payment to her should stop. 

 

See a lawyer.

 

Use a condom. If you are single and solvent you will have more sex than you have grown use to after 21 years of marriage. You do not  want to pick up a STI and definitely DO NOT want to become a father again at 47. I am not suggesting that someone will lie to you about being clean or on the Pill,  but best you look after yourself.

Edited December 23, 2017 by eddy

[Help.Me.]

If you are single and solvent you will have more sex than you have grown use to after 21 years of marriage.

Anybody knows a good lawyer (asking for a friend)

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

You can do it yourselves, but I'd recommend a mediator as first step. They'll sit you both down, go through alles and get an equitable solution for both of you. You can each get your own lawyers for advice initially, but I'd hold off involving them unless the mediation doesn't work. Going straight to the lawyers will cost a crapload.

 

With mediation, a single party acts for both. Their job is to get to the most equitable and realistic outcome as possible, without arguing for every quarter.

 

That's where I am at the moment. Second round of mediation happens in January, for me and the ex.

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

My condolences though, dude. It's not lekker.

 

Chin up, take it day by day and don't do anything rash.

[Mojoman]

I didn't divorce but did split with someone after 14 years. My take on your question below :

P.S - Do I need to now start a new circle of friends from scratch due to one's common married friends - what did you guys do  ?

 

I think this is dependent on how you guys split up, amiable or fighting (in my case we just grew apart and she went her own way). We both had the same circle of friends and kind of still do but with mutual friends I think you have to be careful of what you say about your ex and what your friends say about your ex as well...
Luckily my ex moved away from where I live so we don't have to bump into one another.

Anyway, its a *** one. You will just have to see how life plays out now....time does make everything better...eventually!