Advice on Divorce

[Uni]

But let's face it... With the few exceptions the concept of having one sexual partner for 20 30 40 50+ years of your life is actually ridiculous.

I totally agree with this and it's something I've decided as I got older. We expect one person to fulfill all our needs and that's why they fail.

If I was to staft a new relationship now - polyamory would be a serious consideration, I heard it referred to as ethical cheating.

[Honkdonk]

Polyamory - now there's a thing and a odd one at that, a conundrum really. As in one respect I could totally see myself getting cozy by the fireplace and having deep and meaningful conversations followed by long walks somewhere concluded with a meal, wine and explosive sex with the woman of my dreams.. I guess that's the romantic in me coming out. However at the same time a life of revolving short term (or long term for that matter) partners also seems to be attractive which is the the male primitive alternative.

Over the years as we, as a human race, have progressed (ya, whatever) and it's become accepted, or forced,  that we settle down and stick with one partner, but I bet you there are a lot of us out there who are very from the notion of settle down and be in a monogamous relationship and the chances are that is why we are in the situation we are in that has resulted in this thread..

[blondeonabike]

Yup... The youth of today approach things a lot differently. We have gone through a period in Society where infidelity was a thing that just happened in the 50s and 60s and despite everyone knowing it was brushed under the carpet.. Not ideal... Then we had the 70s.. Where everyone went overboard.. Then through the modern era where polygamy became taboo. There is now a pull towards open polygamy with things like open relationships coming to the fore.. Especially with the younger generation. Sex is sex.. We still haven't worked out how to balance a relationship and sex.. But let's face it... With the few exceptions the concept of having one sexual partner for 20 30 40 50+ years of your life is actually ridiculous.

Very true. To vow to love someone for the rest of your life is insane. I think marriage licences should be like drivers licences that naturally expire after a certain period of time. Couples can choose to renew if they want to. Going forward..the best I could ever offer someone will be my today...tomorrow who knows? I want to always be free to have that choice.

[IceCreamMan]

We are all damaged goods.

 

Secondly, I am quite happy in my marriage an have no desire to enter into any other poly kinda arrangement. Mebbe old school that way but damn it one woman is already one too many. How the hell can one ou keep multiple women happy.

[IceCreamMan]

Very true. To vow to love someone for the rest of your life is insane. I think marriage licences should be like drivers licences that naturally expire after a certain period of time. Couples can choose to renew if they want to. Going forward..the best I could ever offer someone will be my today...tomorrow who knows? I want to always be free to have that choice.

Couples have that option anyway.

 

Divorce the only answer

Smoking causes cancer

[blondeonabike]

Couples have that option anyway.

Divorce the only answer

Smoking causes cancer

I see your point. My point is that marriage has two facets...the legal contact and the vow two people make to each other and sometimes before their god as well. Its the vowing part I cant do. I dont want to make lifelong vows I cannot be certain I can keep.

[eddy]

Already been told by multiple people that I need to have a divorce party as soon as it's final.

 

My invite has gotten lost in the mail....

[Uni]

How the hell can one ou keep multiple women happy.

Plot twist - what if it's not your job to keep someone happy?

[IceCreamMan]

I see your point. My point is that marriage has two facets...the legal contact and the vow two people make to each other and sometimes before their god as well. Its the vowing part I cant do. I dont want to make lifelong vows I cannot be certain I can keep.

In some countries it’s advisable t have a legally binding contract between the parties. Marriage is after all a contract when one gets down to brass tacks. In ZA one can have a multitude of arrangements, it’s in the interest of Parties to have some sort of arrangement else ppl could be taken advantage of.

 

We all different, we all make decisions and have to live with them. Marriage ain’t easy, and life throws curveballs and hardship. When times get a lil tough it would be too easy to swipe left and move on. I understand yr point completely, I believed I would never marry again and lo and behold my lovely wife had these wily tricks and here I am happily married, ( I said wily hey hehe)

 

I sincerely hope our marriage holds til death us do part, and as such I am prepared to put in the hard yards to ensure it does.

[IceCreamMan]

Plot twist - what if it's not your job to keep someone happy?

That was tongue in cheek, however I get yr point.

 

The dynamics of a relationship are very complex, and certainly being a part of yr partners happiness is in the job description. I hav seen enough relationships where the partners were making each other unhappy so the converse must hold too.

[Prince Albert Cycles]

See Blackie Swart in Durbanville 082 5756843.

My partner in the firm before I retired .

Kind , knowledgeable and very very experienced . Not expensive .

Tell him you were referred by Arno Botha

[eddy]

Plot twist - what if it's not your job to keep someone happy?

After 1o years on the gun, FINALLY a sensible post....

Edited May 8, 2018 by eddy

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

My invite has gotten lost in the mail....

They haven't gone out yet. ????

[NotSoBigBen]

What is the effect of 'polyamory' on the children in the marriage or is it done 'on the sly'?

 

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[Thor Buttox]

What is the effect of 'polyamory' on the children in the marriage or is it done 'on the sly'?

 

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I couldn't do it myself but I reckon if everyone is totally open it has more chance of not ending in a disaster. I am sure many here would confirm that it s not the actual cheating that gets you but the lying and dishonesty that follows cos that takes away the power for the 'innocent' party to decide.

 

And 'on the sly' is just 'honestly' rearranged. Maybe that's a sign...

[HDW]

having one sexual partner for 20 30 40 50+ years of your life is actually ridiculous.

 

Very true. It is not for everyone, obviously, but if it can work for you, why not? Everyone's sexuality is different, and if you can have sex with random women, not build up an emotional connection, and still love your wife and have a happy home I honestly can not see a problem with that.

 

A colleague told me a while back that she has a lady friend who is married to an openly gay husband. They even have kids together. He gets to do his thing, she doesn't have to put out for him (don't think she really likes sex, I guess?), but they have a happy family and everyone feels safe and loved. My point is, there is no "one size fits all".

 

The question though - will you be ok with your wife/girlfriend boning 4 or 5 other guys on a regular basis?