Advice on Divorce

[New Landy new life]

Heading to New York on Monday. Will try the citibikes

Download the APP and add your credit  card details.  I bought a local sim card so I can make use of Google Maps, Train Timetables and Ticket Purchases on the Long Island Rail Road. etc.

 

The most economical option on the CitiBike is the 12$ whole day option with as many 30 minute rides as you please, but be warned, you only have 30 minutes per ride and then you need to dock the bike at any one of a million stations which show up on the APP screen or you get charged more.  Bikes are not too bad and have 3 electronic gears and lights.  I was cycling until 1 am on the streets of Manhattan with no issues if you stick to the bike lanes, little more hairy if you just join in the normal traffic.

Good Luck.

[Bonus]

So how are all the Lad's doing that are going/gone   through divorce in the last while ?

 

Hope you are on the way to recovery.

 

I have taken 2 months off  in-between employment which has been good for the soul.

 

Currently in NYC visiting my dear daughter and having an absolute blast here  - getting home to Locust Valley on the 1 am Train from NYC most nights and using the brilliant CitiBike system to cycle all over Manhattan.  The subway has confused me completely and had to cycle from far away to get back to the city again, but safer than trying to take another subway even further away.

 

All the best to you all.

  

Heading to New York on Monday. Will try the citibikes

 

We were in NYC last November, also to see a daughter. We thought we were going to hate it - noisy, expensive, people all in a rush etc but we absolutely loved it!

[Paul Ruinaard]

Shu, you guys were right about the hateful messages eventually arriving. Seems there is a sudden upsurge since discovering that I am a very happy chappy with my lady. Nice to be in a happy place and able to ignore it all. Even after I had to give up the last of my furniture that I lost in the settlement and was eventually collected.  

You have a come a long way since thta first post....

[Plentipotential]

Here's a question for the legal buffs..

 

My ex and I were married and subsequently divorced here in SA under the SA legal system.

She is now resident in NZ with the kids.

As far as I know nothing changes as the divorce order and settlement agreement is written and signed on SA soil and any disputes that may arise we need to do our best to settle amicably and not in a court of law with associated costs. 

We haven't gotten to that stage yet, and hopefully never will, but every now and then she throws something out there saying that I fall under the NZ law. They are not citizens yet and I reckon she is just being full of the brown stuff.

Should I decide relocate to NZ or the UK in the near future then things will change.

 

Anyone have experience with this?

 

I don't recall if you indicated your children's age in a previous post on this thread but this may be a point worth considering. At some time in the future they will be an age where the mothers opinion of you has no legal bearing (not sure of my terming here) However, what you need to avoid at all costs in the meantime is getting sucked into the hate game with a woman who becomes hell bent on making your life a miserable one, you will lose. What she may also do is attempt to drive a wedge between you and the kids, this would be a disaster.

 

She got what she wanted, she lives a long way away and at some point she will have to go through the tough period that most people who leave do. Perhaps that's now? maybe you get blamed? Hold the high ground, abide by the courts ruling, as I'm sure you are doing and do what ever it takes to keep your relationship with your children a loving one. The years will pass and you will still have your kids and she will be out of your life for good. Lot's of us have kids that live overseas, it's tough, yours started very early and neither they nor you had a choice in that decision. You have to do what ever it takes to maintain a relationship with them while still being a father. Good luck to you all.

[Honkdonk]

Thanks PP

 

My daughters are 12 and 5 and, from what I see, have settled down really well into Kiwi life and the schools they are in. What I don't see is the tears and hard times that come with a relocation away from close family and friends. But then my ex would never show that kind of weakness. 

 

The wedge you make mention of I know all too well, but I am wise to her words and attempts. We seem to be over the worst of the one sided mud slinging. I don't entertain it whatsoever and civility has prevailed.

 

Looking forward to the trip over in Jan!

[Honkdonk]

Tickets booked for Jan!

9 - 26th January.

[dev null]

Thanks PP

 

My daughters are 12 and 5 and, from what I see, have settled down really well into Kiwi life and the schools they are in. What I don't see is the tears and hard times that come with a relocation away from close family and friends. But then my ex would never show that kind of weakness. 

 

The wedge you make mention of I know all too well, but I am wise to her words and attempts. We seem to be over the worst of the one sided mud slinging. I don't entertain it whatsoever and civility has prevailed.

 

Looking forward to the trip over in Jan!

 

It is well that you did not take the bait. That was really her intention. Had you taken the bait, she would have raised it to the next level.

Edited July 29, 2019 by Moridin

[Bonus]

Sometimes ignoring them just makes them worse.....

Edited July 30, 2019 by Bonus

[Amberdrake]

So I figure its time for a update, I hope everyone else is keeping well and things have gone well.

For myself its been a rocky time, Ex is dragging her heels and current living situation is not gonna work forever(staying with my sister and we have a hate hate love relationship most of the time).

So latest is lawyers wanted to sit round table and settle, Ex decided that she doesn't want to do that now only in OCT. This has forced us to file for a court date to get conclusion as it does not seem she is really interested in negotiating.

 

O yes in her counter claim she wanted me to pay everything for daughter (school,daycare,clothing,sports,holidays and medical) and give maintenance. We have daughter 50% of time each and don't earn nearly such extravagantly different salaries. (I claimed split it all half way).

Given  we both claimed low and high respectively but hers is just a little wow.

 

So now I wait for court date and go from there, if she settles before court might be over soon but we shall see what happens.

For most part I soldier on wards and hope life shows a light at the end of tunnel.

I started playing some Tabletop RPGs at local club and been running again, riding once in while, so in general life is getting back on track!

 

On a side note my DAD is trying to rope me into doing Ironman again.... 

[Gen]

So I figure its time for a update, I hope everyone else is keeping well and things have gone well.

For myself its been a rocky time, Ex is dragging her heels and current living situation is not gonna work forever(staying with my sister and we have a hate hate love relationship most of the time).

So latest is lawyers wanted to sit round table and settle, Ex decided that she doesn't want to do that now only in OCT. This has forced us to file for a court date to get conclusion as it does not seem she is really interested in negotiating.

 

O yes in her counter claim she wanted me to pay everything for daughter (school,daycare,clothing,sports,holidays and medical) and give maintenance. We have daughter 50% of time each and don't earn nearly such extravagantly different salaries. (I claimed split it all half way).

Given  we both claimed low and high respectively but hers is just a little wow.

 

So now I wait for court date and go from there, if she settles before court might be over soon but we shall see what happens.

For most part I soldier on wards and hope life shows a light at the end of tunnel.

I started playing some Tabletop RPGs at local club and been running again, riding once in while, so in general life is getting back on track!

 

On a side note my DAD is trying to rope me into doing Ironman again.... 

how much did you cover while you were still together.

 

Also holidays... surely it makes more sense that you cover holidays when your daughter is with you on holiday and she covers holiday expenses when your daughter is with her on holiday?

Edited August 13, 2019 by Gen

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

how much did you cover while you were still together.

 

Also holidays... surely it makes more sense that you cover holidays when your daughter is with you on holiday and she covers holiday expenses when your daughter is with her on holiday?

And ito law, from what's been explained to me, is that the split needs to be equitable and appropriate. If it's shared custody (50/50 proper) then that "you pay everything" is not equitable or fair at all. 

[Gen]

And ito law, from what's been explained to me, is that the split needs to be equitable and appropriate. If it's shared custody (50/50 proper) then that "you pay everything" is not equitable or fair at all. 

ja nee seems like a outrages demand that, if she expects 100% then surely he should demand full custody?

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

ja nee seems like a outrages demand that, if she expects 100% then surely he should demand full custody?

nah the only way she'll get 100% is if she demands and gets full custody. 

[Amberdrake]

I am fully expecting ill pay larger portion but not all of it. We have been to social worker to work out the schedule, as is we share custody 50% and social worker made it clear no amount of badgering is gonna change that unless something major happens (ie someone is negligent in extreme).

[Red Robin]

I am fully expecting ill pay larger portion but not all of it. We have been to social worker to work out the schedule, as is we share custody 50% and social worker made it clear no amount of badgering is gonna change that unless something major happens (ie someone is negligent in extreme).

 

The social worker can make  recommendations but only the judge can actually decide and one would hope they take the recommendation into consideration. 

Sorry not being alarmist and I really hope this is not the norm but a colleague was recently in a custody battle where the recommendation was not taken by the judge.

[Amberdrake]

I highly doubt that any Judge is gonna give her full custody considering she only asked for shared same as me.