Advice on Divorce

[Help.Me.]

The more I think about the more it makes sense. I told her a clean break. No more communication. She left that up to me.

While I enjoyed the time spent and we both got attached, its a better move. She needs to figure things out for herself.

And, yes, while it may be festive holiday season and its nice and familiar and romantic like, it may not work out at all. But I cant dwell on that.

Going back into any relationship is hard work and takes extra dedication to make it. I know as my ex and I tried and it just wasn't going to be.

 

On another note. This will be a tough Christmas without the kids. Its just not the same. At least I am working through and only get 24/25th off so at least I can get my head away from all matters of the heart.

Strongs my friend !!! Just turn the other cheek.....and go with the flow!!

[Boerklong]

Ah feck! I got involved with a woman who was going through her own divorce, but it hadn't gone all the way. She had been split from her husband for 2 years. She had moved on. Bought her own place, moved in and we were good, saw each other for thee last 5 months and it was amazing. Like nothing I had never experienced before in all aspects. BUT, they were not divorced. I respected her position with him.

He then took her out for dinner last week and dropped a bomb. He wanted to have another go at things. Took her from the blindside. She has decided to give it a go. 12 years is worth saving over 5 months. I get it. Divorce is not easy. If you can save it, save it.

Even if she knows what she 'could' be going back to. It could be better. Or not.

 

Guess I was that guy..

Just as I thought things were getting easier

Sorry to hear, but thats the way the cookie crumbles...

 

I've been divorced for 6 years. Did the re try thing and what not, It never worked out.

 

I've been raising my 2 boys by myself for the past 6 years. They were 1 and 3 years old at the time we got divorced.

 

6 years down the line I still have my 2 boys, shes paying maintenance and Im in a wonderful relationship with a great girl who accept me for who I am and my kids as her own.

 

If things dont work out the way you want its not always a bad thing. Look back a year later and things might seem different.

 

The best advice Ive been given was ,"if you look back a year later you wouldve wished you've done it a year earlier"

 

Will I get married again? I dont know.

 

Is life worth living and bumping your head? FOSHO!!!

Edited December 22, 2018 by Boerklong

[Uni]

Those of you going through your first Christmas post divorce, good luck.

If you're feeling alone and sad, it's ok. Just remember it will get better.

 

Find your favourite songs, crank it up and sing and dance. Eat something yummy, you can work it off later

[New Landy new life]

Finally back in RSA after 3 weeks in the Bush with my son and some mates in Namibia/Botswana and Zim. It has taken my mind far away from my troubles last year. Still have 1400km in the Defender to get back home but she has been running like a dream.

All the best to you all this year.

[dev null]

Wish I could escape to some bush at the moment.

[New Landy new life]

Need some more advice.

I had my son with me from 18 December to 6 January and so I decided to deduct a portion I thought reasonable from my Alimony to my Ex to cover a small fraction of my expences and today when I return she sends me a threatening SMS that she is laying charges for a breach of a court order.

Will I be looked down at by the court if I fight this or do I just give up?

[Kranswurm]

Need some more advice.

I had my son with me from 18 December to 6 January and so I decided to deduct a portion I thought reasonable from my Alimony to my Ex to cover a small fraction of my expences and today when I return she sends me a threatening SMS that she is laying charges for a breach of a court order.

Will I be looked down at by the court if I fight this or do I just give up?

Cant understand why you would do that in the first place

[GrahamS2]

Need some more advice.

I had my son with me from 18 December to 6 January and so I decided to deduct a portion I thought reasonable from my Alimony to my Ex to cover a small fraction of my expences and today when I return she sends me a threatening SMS that she is laying charges for a breach of a court order.

Will I be looked down at by the court if I fight this or do I just give up?

There's the problem. What you think is reasonable and what the court calculated may be very  different things. Personally, I think it's a battle best avoided. Something like this should be agreed upfront, before the holiday starts.  

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

short answer - the court doesn't care what the expenses were. You don't have primary custody of your lightie, so your expenses simply don't matter when it comes to calculating maintenance. 

[CogitoErgoSum]

Need some more advice.

I had my son with me from 18 December to 6 January and so I decided to deduct a portion I thought reasonable from my Alimony to my Ex to cover a small fraction of my expences and today when I return she sends me a threatening SMS that she is laying charges for a breach of a court order.

Will I be looked down at by the court if I fight this or do I just give up?

Apart from me being with you on this, the courts will disagree with you. If possible, just repay the drama queen. Then again, why is she throwing a tantrum? Is she actually using the monies towards your laaitie, or is she using it for something else (which she couldn't do anymore as you cut her....)

[New Landy new life]

Thanks chaps. Maybe I was wrong, but the holiday cost me a small fortune but worth the time and memory with my son so I will take advice and just pay up. As you were [emoji3]

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

Thanks chaps. Maybe I was wrong, but the holiday cost me a small fortune but worth the time and memory with my son so I will take advice and just pay up. As you were [emoji3]

yeah, any personal expenses / holiday expenses are solely for your account, as they would be if she took him on holiday. Imagine if she all of a sudden requested more maintenance so she could take him somewhere? Same thing, just reversed. 

[Skubarra]

Apart from me being with you on this, the courts will disagree with you. If possible, just repay the drama queen. Then again, why is she throwing a tantrum? Is she actually using the monies towards your laaitie, or is she using it for something else (which she couldn't do anymore as you cut her....)

 

January, start of a new school year, not exactly the easiest month of the year financially for most parents. Can see why she would throw a hissy fit if this came unexpected. Like Graham said, would have been better if this was discussed/agreed upon before the holiday.

[dev null]

I believe she is not using all of those moneys for the children, which is probably why she went into a meltdown. But unfortunately the law don't care about how she is using the alimony.

 

Best is to see the money you spent as an investment. 

[New Landy new life]

I see my Ex is with a new wealthy guy so I don't think she needs the money. She had the cheek to make me drop my son at his house on Sunday when I got back from Botswana which really hurt me real bad, and ended the high of my holiday with my son.

[Johan_Kleynhans]

Why does it make you feel bad?

 

Money is not everything and should not determine your level of happiness.

 

Sorry but just a thought.