Hairy Posted January 30, 2019 Posted January 30, 2019 3rd time lucky ? Two down and I give up.I have had enough
dev null Posted January 30, 2019 Posted January 30, 2019 Two down and I give up.I have had enough Time to get a dog?
New Landy new life Posted January 30, 2019 Author Posted January 30, 2019 (edited) So i'm doing paperwork tons of it. At the same time as much as I would like to end things amicably the constant barrage of msg's blaming me for things never said or done is really wearing on me. Yesterday I actually managed to get angry for first time since I left, because of what she said. With all of this I am still trying to be nice so one smiles and calms down and continues right? One thing I am thankful for right now is that I don't drink cause that would have ended horribly.I just ignore the hurtful comments completely and it diffuses the start of an argument and takes the wind out of their sails. I actually feel quite smug when I get to ignore an SMS or email and it burns the ex to get no answer back. Edited January 30, 2019 by New Landy - new life BigDL, Amberdrake and Hairy 3
Red Robin Posted January 30, 2019 Posted January 30, 2019 This isn't an argument about who didn't do the dishes. Yes that's where the conflict manifests but it's actually about additional pressure on both men and women in a modern society where women are given additional burdens of earning a wad of cash etc and men struggling to find their role in society. Something has to give and unfortunately it's most often the most important relationships. I hope that makes sense.Erm "additional burdens of earning a wad of cash " ??Sorry not quite in agreement with you on this one. Perhaps for some women but the majority I know take pride in our careers and achievements and dare I say it earnings too. It's no burden.But I sort of understand what you are getting at and it may be applicable to some women. BigDL, Gen and Slowbee 3
eddy Posted January 31, 2019 Posted January 31, 2019 I agree with you and Mousea - but also I don't think these are the only scenarios? What if you have a example where the parents are dead, children are basically on the street and the grandparents loaded with money but not feeling like contributing - in that case I won't mind the law forcing the grandparents to contribute to maintenance? A far more likely scenario is where a sleg laaitie gets a girl pregnant at school/varsity/the streets and as he is at school/varsity/on the streets says "tough luck getting any support from me". In those circumstances it is both right and fair that his parents/grandparents get to pick up his part of the tab. Skubarra, Steven Knoetze (sk27) and mazambaan 3
Amberdrake Posted January 31, 2019 Posted January 31, 2019 I just ignore the hurtful comments completely and it diffuses the start of an argument and takes the wind out of their sails. I actually feel quite smug when I get to ignore an SMS or email and it burns the ex to get no answer back.I do this, and i have a chuckle after wards usually few hours later.But in the moment i have to maintain the cool. TBH I am proud to say I have not lost my cool once. I shut up and walk out way before that. New Landy new life, BigDL and Hairy 3
Steven Knoetze (sk27) Posted January 31, 2019 Posted January 31, 2019 I do this, and i have a chuckle after wards usually few hours later.But in the moment i have to maintain the cool. TBH I am proud to say I have not lost my cool once. I shut up and walk out way before that. I find in all situations, immediately responding is not a good idea.We are too wired for immediate gratification these days, and its the same in our communications. Most times a few hours delay will make zero difference.Give it time and cooler heads will prevail.Especially in your situation where messages and voice notes can be used against you in court...... Help.Me., Amberdrake, New Landy new life and 3 others 6
Escapee.. Posted January 31, 2019 Posted January 31, 2019 I've got a theory on this. It's primarily around additional pressures related to confusion around gender roles in a world where everyone is pushing for equity, equality, parity when that is not how we are wired. For example. My ex wanted me to do my share of the house chores. She would say stuff like you don't need boobs to wash dishes but I never once saw her pushing a lawn mower or picking up the dog schidt. Call me a chauvinist but gender roles work. Picking up the dawgsheet and mowing the lawn maybe happens once a week. Washing the dishes is a daily struggle.. I am sure you can see the problem with that Its 2019 bud Steven Knoetze (sk27), dev null, Odinson and 2 others 5
Duane_Bosch Posted January 31, 2019 Posted January 31, 2019 I am sure you can see the problem with that Its 2019 bud I did more than my share of the daily chores. Perhaps I should have used a better example.
CogitoErgoSum Posted January 31, 2019 Posted January 31, 2019 (edited) . Edited January 31, 2019 by CogitoErgoSum
Gen Posted January 31, 2019 Posted January 31, 2019 I think you are very close to the point. My view is that women are expected to adopt male traits and characteristics in the workplace to be dominant in certain management roles and work (non-personal) interactions. Then they go home, and still have the same male traits and character and it does not sit well within a personal relationship/interaction. Then the personal relationship breaks down There are female and male traits and roles and characteristics for a reason - to supplement one another[emoji848] "Male traits"...can you clarify that? Red Robin, BigDL, Uni and 1 other 4
Skubarra Posted January 31, 2019 Posted January 31, 2019 [emoji848] "Male traits"...can you clarify that? I guess women can only be effective in a work place if they become like men? I started with a reply and then I stopped - way too much sexist rubbish in one post for me to handle Gen, candz1 and BigDL 3
I FLY Posted January 31, 2019 Posted January 31, 2019 My ex did not have a formal job as she was raising our kids and looking after the house. For her this meant 1. I feed , dressed our kids and took them to school everyday2. I did their homework and projects3. I did all the weekend activities with our kids4. I was the primary (only breadwinner)5. I did most of the food shopping For her part1. Fetched kids from school (5kms round trip)2. Maid did all cooking and cleaning3. Gardener did the garden4. Watched soapies most of the day5. Drank too much at night6 Wasted money on stupid stuff Steven Knoetze (sk27) and EvanB 2
Gen Posted January 31, 2019 Posted January 31, 2019 My ex did not have a formal job as she was raising our kids and looking after the house. For her this meant 1. I feed , dressed our kids and took them to school everyday2. I did their homework and projects3. I did all the weekend activities with our kids4. I was the primary (only breadwinner)5. I did most of the food shopping For her part1. Fetched kids from school (5kms round trip)2. Maid did all cooking and cleaning3. Gardener did the garden4. Watched soapies most of the day5. Drank too much at night6 Wasted money on stupid stuffThat is just lazy hey.
Shebeen Posted January 31, 2019 Posted January 31, 2019 "Take note that your ex can now claim money's from your immediate family if she so chooses. If you can't pay that is." Whaaaat! My brother is busy getting divorced. and is broke. Are you sure about this? Time to plan. The guy on the right is Michael Zuma, he is reading this topic and getting very nervous Steven Knoetze (sk27), Skubarra, Gen and 2 others 5
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