Advice on Divorce

[Red Robin]

I highly doubt that any Judge is gonna give her full custody considering she only asked for shared same as me.

 

Ok. Totally different scenario to my colleague then.

Glad you don't have to fight that aspect then.   

[New Landy new life]

So after a string of mails I decided that it was time to make peace with the Ex by just picking up the phone and calling her rather. She was very teary for some reason but we decided not to argue any longer and just make peace for the sake of the kids and ourselves. I explained how she had badly affected me for a year and my self esteem and she understood why I just cut her off completely.

It looks for now going forward we have reached some peace between us.

[Lotus]

My divorce was finalised yesterday. It was straightforward and uncontested with no minor children involved.

 

The DIY process took a few weeks from start to finish involving 4 visits to the divorce court office at the Magistrate's Court to get documents, complete and return, copy and take to Sheriff, collect from Sheriff back to court, then the appearance.

 

Total cost was R400 (Sheriff fees) and photocopies at Postnet.

 

Overall the process is very smooth and the officials were helpful.

[gemmerbal]

awesome, these messy divorces look exhausting and completely demoralizing. mine was clean too.

 

take the day off and party it up, your life starts now!

 

 

My divorce was finalised yesterday. It was straightforward and uncontested with no minor children involved.

 

The DIY process took a few weeks from start to finish involving 4 visits to the divorce court office at the Magistrate's Court to get documents, complete and return, copy and take to Sheriff, collect from Sheriff back to court, then the appearance.

 

Total cost was R400 (Sheriff fees) and photocopies at Postnet.

 

Overall the process is very smooth and the officials were helpful.

[Patensie]

Mine is turning out to be messy. She has unreasonable financial expectations and mediation failed. Lawyers are involved and she doesn't understand that their costs are not paid by me, but effectively comes out of her own pocket well for the accrual just get smaller and smaller with each letter and consultation.

 

At least we don't fight about the kids.

 

Gemmer, you're right:it is truly exhausting and demoralising.

[gemmerbal]

yes Patensie. but I will say this to you and the ex: not fighting over the kids is commendable. dont involve them, its THE best thing you can do in this situation. [my parents divorced when i was 6, they maintained a healthy relationship till the day my dad passed away, which funny enough was 2 weeks after my divorce was enacted, i dont think he died knowing i followed in his footsteps, either way, just saying]

 

and secondly, theres nothing worse than exes out to cripple you financially for their own selfish reasons. hate seeing that, really!

 

Mine is turning out to be messy. She has unreasonable financial expectations and mediation failed. Lawyers are involved and she doesn't understand that their costs are not paid by me, but effectively comes out of her own pocket well for the accrual just get smaller and smaller with each letter and consultation.

 

At least we don't fight about the kids.

 

Gemmer, you're right:it is truly exhausting and demoralising.

[IceCreamMan]

awesome, these messy divorces look exhausting and completely demoralizing. mine was clean too.

 

take the day off and party it up, your life starts now!

 

I think take the time to mourn and expect the Post divorce blues. Deal with them and then party it up.

 

but hey, that's me and my experience. YMMV .

[gemmerbal]

jip, did that in abundance. people say im crazy, but if it wasnt for my 2 fur kids, i probably wouldnt have made it. the 2 of them, my Uncle John Daniels and the 4 Horsemen. kind of sums me up in once sentence, right there.

I think take the time to mourn and expect the Post divorce blues. Deal with them and then party it up.

 

but hey, that's me and my experience. YMMV .

[gemmerbal]

some of the divorce stories you hear kind of makes you think this would be appropriate...

 

i have a family member dealing with some of the worst sh!t imaginable from their new partners ex - kids being used in the process and the legal system just somehow entertains all of the ex's bs - false accusations of abuse etc etc. its absolutely crazy to what lengths narcissistic people will go to try and achieve whatever it is they are trying to achieve. had me a couple of crazies after my divorce and i can honestly say i am VERY happy being single, 4 years and going strong I havent had a complaint at home since 2015... haha 

 

https://www.businessinsider.co.za/man-accused-of-trying-to-airstrike-girlfriends-house-with-drone-2019-9

[Honkdonk]

Updates.

Hows folk doing?

 

So with me paying maintenance and costs as per agreement into her NZ bank account, I didnt give much thought to the bank fees that apply. To date I have absorbed them, but I feel that as she chose to move she should take that hit and not me.

Comments?

[DJR]

Updates.

Hows folk doing?

..........

Still happily married, but.......

 

Wife recently had an operation and I had to do the shopping, cooking and chores for that time........ I'm so hoping she gets well quickly........and from now on I'm regularly buying her flowers and plan to put my best foot forward because doing that all the time will kill me......

[MTBeer]

Still happily married, but.......

 

Wife recently had an operation and I had to do the shopping, cooking and chores for that time........ I'm so hoping she gets well quickly........and from now on I'm regularly buying her flowers and plan to put my best foot forward because doing that all the time will kill me......

how did you get away with not doing that until now?

[DJR]

how did you get away with not doing that until now?

I don't. I do my bit, which, I suppose, is one of the reasons she put up with me and my habit of filling the house with bicycles. But taking care of ALL of the seemingly mundane, and working a normal day, REALLY takes some doing! Respect to people who do it alone all the time.

Edited December 4, 2019 by DJR

[Steven Knoetze (sk27)]

Updates.

Hows folk doing?

 

So with me paying maintenance and costs as per agreement into her NZ bank account, I didnt give much thought to the bank fees that apply. To date I have absorbed them, but I feel that as she chose to move she should take that hit and not me.

Comments?

 

I would say that is fair but it would depend on any signed agreement you may have.

I would discuss it with her and then suggest short payment, so you keep the fee's back. She may see as it a breach of the agreement and start holding back access to the kids........

[Amberdrake]

Mine still going. My lawyer was delaying the case racking up fees all the way so had to change as she refused to even advise me properly. This delay might see me taking a hit with regards to costs as ex now wants to goto high court for a Rule 58.

I am so deep into a hole its not funny and there no court date or settlement hopes as yet. New lawyer will likely get back to me this week.

On a positive note my daughter turns 2 on Saturday and she loved her bicycle when we had her party over weekend! Sometimes the silver lining is right in front of you.

[IceCreamMan]

Updates.

Hows folk doing?

 

So with me paying maintenance and costs as per agreement into her NZ bank account, I didnt give much thought to the bank fees that apply. To date I have absorbed them, but I feel that as she chose to move she should take that hit and not me.

Comments?

 

How much we talking about here?

 

Can it be cheaper via pay pal or online app such as shyft or something?