Cult of extream discipline

[Red Robin]

OP there is some good advice and I hope you find whatever way assists you in finding peace in your life.

I wish you well and every success in your life ahead. Success as defined by your own happiness and  peace of mind and not defined by society's norm of success. 

Best of luck. 

[Paul Ruinaard]

OP

 

At the risk of sounding like some wierdass life coach (which i'm definitely not btw, so take everything I say as 2/3nd hand).

 

You definitely don't need the army or some sort of neo cult crap to feel a sense of purpose/direction in your life imo. All you need is to ''have to do something or else''so to speak. There needs to be consequence to your decisions. 

 

Google these as a start. 

 

(There is a TED talk on it too)

 

stagnation-order-complexity-chaos. (the so called growth rings)

 

Most people operate in the stagnation/order part of that chain of rings their whole lives...also known as your comfort zone. You will unfortunately waste away operating in there all your life. You cant grow as a person in your comfort zone.

Many people tout crap like joining the army as giving them direction blah blah blah...but all it actually did as force them into complexity and chaos - right out of their comfort zones. They were forced into changing/adapting....and therefor growing as people. One isolated jump out of your comfort zone wont change it all for good though...you need to keep going to keep growing...otherwise you'll just regress again eventually.

 

You need complexity and discomfort to feel/discover purpose and grow as  a person.

whether it is committing to doing the Munga if you are a weekend warrior, enrolling at Uni for the most difficult thing you can imagine doing well, quitting your cushy job or whatever.

 

You need to do things that are uncomfortable....

After my glib reply to this topic earlier i thought about it a bit. Maybe i will try to add my 2 cents worth.

 

to the OP some random thoughts whilst riffing  on the idea. I am not a coach either and it just interests me so you can use it or don't use it:

 

1.) Your original post showed the ability to introspect and take responsibility for a situation that lead you to a place you weren't happy with. That is a good thing. It's kind of the beginning of everything. Saying i am not happy where i am and what to be better and here are some ideas around what i think i want to do.  Lost of people just continue until they end up as a pitiful mess.

 

2.) Not sure of your background but its seems you see extreme discipline as a way forward to correct the mindset you slipped in to. Maybe you have had it like this in the past. Maybe this is something you need to look at. Extremism normally leads to extreme types of behaviour.  Personally as per the above i often need a BHAG - Big Hairy Audacious Goal - that keeps me awake at night and stops the procrastination monkeys - google it - credit to fatbastard Mayhem for introducing me to the site.

 

3.) Right now you are in the middle of the biggest re-stack of the world order in a long time. So use the change to drive some in your life. It's never comfortable or easy i can assure you. I have seen these things before and i can tell you i never wanted to see it again so i spent three weeks in denial when i worked out what the impact of this sh*t show was going to be on my life. But the forced disruption has lead to me bringing things forward and being willing to disrupt myself. The problem is always that when you are comfortable the desire to change is limited. When you are uncomfortable you can go all in and throw away the rule book and try to re-invent yourself as something nicer.

 

4.) Change ios hard and uncomfortable. Get used to being uncomfortable - although that is never easy.

 

5.) you may be behaving according to a pattern. read about co-dependency and things like personality models (enneagram is one i use extensively). This was truly my aha moment in the world. these things changed my life - i realized that there are many cages and traps - you are at the point where some of what you originally posted may allow you to take these things on board. Mone was a divorce i never saw coming and like you i realized i may have been a lot to blame. That was a tough thing to work out.

 

the hub is a strange place - i have seen many strings like this in the past. Half of an agony aunt column here. Some good people.

 

Use it or dont - lets see where this lands.

 

And BTW google Baz Luhrman - "wear Sunscreen" and read the lyrics of that track or listen to it. Pop Psych but it resonated with me many times.

[GaryvdM]

Half the challenge with life is motivating your self when you are on your own.

 

You need to pay attention to the mind as well as the body. Some things you can do in this regard:

• Meditate. I highly recommend https://wakingup.com/  for guidance.
• Do Jordan Peterson's Self authoring program.  Here is a video of him explaining how it works:

If you have a drinking problem, go cold turkey. Don't just reduce to a reasonable amount. It's actually easier to go the cold turkey route. If you have friends that pressure you to drink at social occasions, they are not your friends.

[DieselnDust]

relatively easy for under 35's from SA to join the British armed forces (as per their website) - being considered as part of the commonwealth pool of countries and all. You can then apply for PR after 2 years of service.

 

id still recommend only considering doing something like that with some sort of qualification behind your name so you can end up making an actual career out of it - relatively safe from the front lines lol.  They pay quite well too (market related public sector salaries).

 

 

I seem to recall SA was kicked out of the Commonwealth except for Sports?

Did something change?

[Captain Fastbastard Mayhem]

 

2.) Not sure of your background but its seems you see extreme discipline as a way forward to correct the mindset you slipped in to. Maybe you have had it like this in the past. Maybe this is something you need to look at. Extremism normally leads to extreme types of behaviour.  Personally as per the above i often need a BHAG - Big Hairy Audacious Goal - that keeps me awake at night and stops the procrastination monkeys - google it - credit to fatbastard Mayhem for introducing me to the site.

 

Wait But Why

 

A more thought provoking and interesting blog I have never seen. 

 

www.waitbutwhy.com 

 

I THOROUGHLY recommend this for anyone. The entries aren't a short read, but they're incredibly insightful and relevant. 

Edited May 27, 2020 by Captain Fastbastard Mayhem

[MORNE]

I seem to recall SA was kicked out of the Commonwealth except for Sports?

Did something change?

we'll maybe its sport and war....because we are definitely able to apply as far as i know. I actually know a person who used this to get her PR there. A  friend of the wife...she and a local dude (saffa) that joined the pom army had a mutually beneficial arranged marriage of sorts. After it was all said and done....they got divorced and went their separate ways 

 

edit:

https://www.wereldwyd.co.za/en/good-news-for-south-africans-wanting-to-join-the-british-armed-forces/

Edited May 27, 2020 by morneS555

[Kranswurm]

I seem to recall SA was kicked out of the Commonwealth except for Sports?

Did something change?

Nope,not as far as I know

[MORNE]

Nope,not as far as I know

 

 

I seem to recall SA was kicked out of the Commonwealth except for Sports?

Did something change?

 

https://www.iol.co.za/the-star/news/south-africa-has-no-intention-of-pulling-out-of-the-commonwealth-ramaphosa-48213043

 

we obviously still are part of it according to this. How much we benifit from it is another question lol.

[Sitting@89]

OP

 

At the risk of sounding like some wierdass life coach (which i'm definitely not btw, so take everything I say as 2/3nd hand).

 

You definitely don't need the army or some sort of neo cult crap to feel a sense of purpose/direction in your life imo. All you need is to ''have to do something or else''so to speak. There needs to be consequence to your decisions.

 

Google these as a start.

 

(There is a TED talk on it too)

 

stagnation-order-complexity-chaos. (the so called growth rings)

 

Most people operate in the stagnation/order part of that chain of rings their whole lives...also known as your comfort zone. You will unfortunately waste away operating in there all your life. You cant grow as a person in your comfort zone.

Many people tout crap like joining the army as giving them direction blah blah blah...but all it actually did as force them into complexity and chaos - right out of their comfort zones. They were forced into changing/adapting....and therefor growing as people. One isolated jump out of your comfort zone wont change it all for good though...you need to keep going to keep growing...otherwise you'll just regress again eventually.

 

You need complexity and discomfort to feel/discover purpose and grow as a person.

whether it is committing to doing the Munga if you are a weekend warrior, enrolling at Uni for the most difficult thing you can imagine doing well, quitting your cushy job or whatever.

 

You need to do things that are uncomfortable....

Thank for this checked it out. Interesting, JBP has a similar view on growth.

[Sitting@89]

So a quick update on what happened after posting this, I am now firmly on the "road to recovery" actually it is more a constant learning curve, but things are looking much better! How did I do this, truth be told hard work that's all. I am now up by 5:30 most mornings, about 80% of my showers are cold showers, I meal prep twice a week and eat a good balanced diet. I put in a good day's graf (started taking studies seriously again and am now writing exams for 3rd year LLB) I put in a good day's graft most days (still have my off days) haven't touched the booze in over 5 months. Evenings are spent studying and then listing to a self improvement podcast (David Goggins is a firm favorite at the moment) then off to bed at 9 and repeat 6 days a week.

 

This is taken about a month ago now down to 116, rides are getting longer and faster.

 

*Ps thanks for some of the advice and feedback on here, really took some of it to heart and it has helped me more than you think! This is an awesome community thanks bike hub!

Edited December 2, 2020 by Sitting@89

[Hello Ruan]

Hey man, at the end of the day you are doing good for yourself. Sometimes it just takes a little nudge or whole push to get us over the edge, different okes different strokes.

Keep on doing what you are doing, it is working for you keep at it.

[arabsandals]

This is going to be a slightly longer post as I need to give background and context to the idea. The story begins about two weeks ago, I received a message from my girlfriend (who at the time was admitted to Poortview psychiatric hospital) that our 4 year relationship was no longer working for her and that she thought we were no longer compatible.

 

Que 2 weeks of roller coaster emotions and some deep introspection and I realize that much of this situation is because of my actions and speaks volumes of who I had become (or rather not become) in the confines of a comfortable relationship. To name but a few; I had started drinking too much, packing on weight, had a lackluster attitude to work performance (I earn commission only so this directly showed in my ability to contribute to household upkeep), I had developed a general attitude of complacency in life.

 

Fast forward to today, here I am thinking, there are so many lost souls out there who can do with some guidance and discipline, why not form a commune/cult of discipline of sorts, rent out a 3 bedroom house each guy that buys into the idea forks in 6k a month, stack rooms with 2 single beds each, live together with the following goals: everyone is up at 4:30am, daily compulsory training sessions, meal prep is done together (cooking only healthy meals), compulsory self improvement lectures every night (masterclass tutorials etc.) the idea would be that it would be a 6 months transformation program of sorts, with each individual pushing their peers to higher levels.

 

If the idea resonates with your, or might work for someone you know give me a shout (pm or whatever)

 

PS. my thinking that got me here was a process of critically evaluating mental health issues, and seeing dozens of great people ruined by reaching for easy out options (basically medicating live problems away)

 

*edit grammar

All jokes aside, I think you need to speak to your GP and try to get a referral to some proper help. I'm not saying that your idea is a bad one necessarily, just that it seems a bit extreme to an outside observer. I think you may need to talk things over a bit with an objective and properly trained independent pair of ears before making any life changing decisions.

[Chris_]

Well done with the no drinking. Thats awesome.

[BaGearA]

All jokes aside, I think you need to speak to your GP and try to get a referral to some proper help. I'm not saying that your idea is a bad one necessarily, just that it seems a bit extreme to an outside observer. I think you may need to talk things over a bit with an objective and properly trained independent pair of ears before making any life changing decisions.

He literally just posted an update and seems like it's going well so maybe this is not needed.

 

Obviously I can't say that for sure but replying to his post of 6 months ago right after his update seems pointless

[MORNE]

He literally just posted an update and seems like it's going well so maybe this is not needed.

Obviously I can't say that for sure but replying to his post of 6 months ago right after his update seems pointless

This. Also grinds my fn gears when people just assume it is impossible to help yourself out of a rut and that you need to go talk and listen to some equally broken (entry requirement - true story) person about problems that they usually have no clue about anyway.

 

I say this as someone who has helped themself out of similar ruts in the past. Part of the problem with this kind of thinking is you are groomed by modern society to believe that you don't possess the tools or ability to help yourself. Thats utter BS, and such a western thing. If you have the will to change, you don't need some kop dokter to tell you that. People rely too much on doctors TELLING them whats wrong rather than taking control of their own situation and getting **** done.

Obviously there are exceptions...but OP seems to have found that something in himself that got him out of his rut and moving forward...positively. That is more powerful than any crap someone can tell you at a listening session, and the reward is so much more empowering when you know it was all you. It becomes this perpetual positivity machine.

Edited December 3, 2020 by morneS555

[Spurs]

I don't see any updates about the girls volleyball team though?